Strange Delights From Under The Lilac Tree

Book 2: The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern

2012-02-03T06:00:00.001-05:00

387 pages of pure intoxication.

"The circus arrives without warning. No announcements precede it. It is simply there, when yesterday it was not. Within the black-and-white striped canvas tents is an utterly unique experience full of breathtaking amazements. It is called Le Cirque des Rêves, and it is only open at night."

All throughout this book my heart ached for the Le Cirque des Reves to be real. (and still do) Its certainly one I plan to read again in the future and certainly add it to my personal library. The attention to detail Ms. Morgenstern pays to relaying the details of the circus, its creators, performers, and admirers, can be a tad overwhelming at first. I'd be lying if I said I didn't find myself getting a bit frustrated at times because there are so many perspectives (causing it to feel a bit jumpy at times). But before you know it the picture moves into sharper focus and it all sinks in.

The journey of Celia and Marco and all those directly and indirectly related to their competition and the circus is so, pun intended; spellbinding. But all complications aside, this book is such a fantastic journey, and afterall is that not what great books are made of? The books I tend to gravitate toward usually involve situations or perspectives that aren't too far from the possible. Not since Tom Robbins' Jitterbug Perfume have I been so swept away. Sights, smells, touch, they are all there amongst the pages of The Night Circus. This is by no means a light read, but one that is a must none-the-less.

February Artist: Gogol Bordello

2012-02-02T06:00:00.000-05:00

It started with the stache, more specifically this picture:

... on pinterest no less. I found it in a music board I follow. She likes all of my faves: Henry, Bob, PJ, The Clash, Tribe, ect ect. So I looked him up. This is Eugene Hutz and he is the frontman and mastermind of Gogol Bordello. A quick click to you tube and I was intrigued. My first introduction to Gogol Bordello was the song "Wonderlust King". (Wonderlust is such an awesome word isn't it?)

Don't they look like fun! Reading a bit more about them it seems that THE album to check out is 2007's Super Taranta!. So this month I will. I've got a good feeling about these guys. Its my February hope to make up for the Temper Trap, who let me down mid album.

35/35 February Update

2012-02-01T06:00:00.001-05:00

Happy February folks. I thought I'd offer an update my my 35 things to do my 35th year list. This list has brought so much light and energy into so many aspects of my life. I'm so grateful to Laura at 3 little birds for inspiring me. Just like anything in life I've had good days and bad as far as sticking to the list. But overall I'm proud of the changes.

Things To Do
1. Read 12 books. -I'm about to start book number 4! - I've already reviewed The Paris Wife, more reviews to come. I am most grateful to this list for lighting my book reading fire again. I expect to surpass 12 before summer
2. Send birthday cards to my nearest and dearest -January Done! I LOVE doing this
3. Fix my watch -to be done as soon as the budget allows
4. journal daily (even if its one sentence) -I started January strong with this but the last week or so I have been less diligent but I've already journaled more than i have in the last few years.
5. Discover one new musical artist a month -January's artist was the Temper Trap, I'm excited about February's artist. This too has breathed so much life into me. My journal is fast filling with names to explore.
6. Wear more jewelry-January was a pretty good month.

7. Wear more scarves-yesterday i rocked this great scarf i bought in New York many moons ago. As it is my lone scarf I look forward to rocking more as soon as the budget allows.

8. Complete at least one non-food Pinterest project per month-does learning how to tie my scarf in a new way count? February's project are some very cute owl valentines. Stay tuned.

9. Blog at least once a week -January, check.

10. Make gifts for friends and family-to be done as soon as the budget allows

11. Create wardrobe I feel shows the "real" me.-to be done as soon as the budget allows

12. Finish one sewing project per month (once it arrives from storage)-to begin in April.

13. Learn to properly knit and crochet-to begin when I have all my sewing stuff from storage

14. Learn how to play one good song on the piano-boo, I have yet to work on this but the year is still young.

15. Try one new recipe a week.-i did whip up a few recipes this month not so much every week but a helluva lot more than usual.

16. Create Stella's reading nook-to be done as soon as the budget allows

17. Begin Stella's yearly art books a' la my Pin-spiration. -not yet

18. Learn how to braid Stella's hair.-working on it, I have been practicing though.

19. Research and (if possible) join the local arts council.-not yet

20. Complete my first children's book and submit it to a publisher-i have a solid draft, now i'm researching for it.

Adventure/Active

21. Plant and nurture no more than 3 plants for the entire year. -I've been planning, I can't wait until spring.

22. Walk 365 miles (not in one day mind you)-i've logged about 5 miles. I must work harder at this in February.

23. Shoot a handgun (its that or break plates my friends)-to be done as soon as the budget allows

24. Give my hubby at least one long lingering kiss per day-check

25. Get a new tattoo-to be done as soon as the budget allows

26. Take at least one new photograph a week-I must work harder at this in February

Trips/Places To Go

27. See at least 2 shows at the Orange Peel-We will be seeing Trampled by Turtles in April

28. Take Stella to see a Play or Ballet Performance-to be done as soon as the budget allows

29. Visit Tryon, the birthplace of Nina Simone (sigh)-to be done as soon as the budget allows

30. Visit Black Mountain preferably overnight with my awesome hubby.-Check

31. Purchase year passes to Chimney Rock Park/Hickory Nut Falls and use hell out of them-to be done as soon as the budget allows-those bitches are expensive.

32. Go on at least one date a month with the hubby.-check

Healthy

33. Get the internal volume turned up on my hearing aids-my fingers are crossed for an appointment in March.

34. Complete a juice fast-to be done after my clean eating month.

35. Eat clean for one month-I'm thinking sometime in the summer.

Ode to Deafness

2012-01-23T06:48:00.002-05:00

This weekend I watched "Immortal Beloved" for the first time since my late teens (a long long time ago folks ). I remember in my youth being overwhelmed by the love story and weeping desperately at the the scene where Herr Schindler leaves Johanna with her letter. This time these oh so many years later I found myself weeping desperately at this scene.

(watch to around 2:15 for THE scene - but the whole thing is awesome too)

I've been much more open about my deafness these past few years, which has made life (and communicating) much easier for me. And I'll shout from the rooftops again and again just how amazing my dear friends and family have been about it. However,I haven't shared with too many of you that over these past few months I have noticed a huge decrease in the hearing I do have. This was to be expected as mine is a degenerative type of loss. And I have an appointment to have the internal volume increased in my hearing aids in the next few weeks. It will also be the first time in over 2 years I've had an audiogram done. I know my "S" has dropped, just how far remains to be seen. With that said I've been trying to stay upbeat about all of it, but tonight watching "Beethoven" lay his head on the piano in the hopes of hearing the notes. Those moments when it became apparent to his audience that he couldn't hear his beautiful music being played. The countless times I couldn't hear the music I knew in my head was playing onscreen. And finally during the Ode to Joy, what I consider to be his masterpiece, to have them show what it most likely would have been like for him. Just shattered my heart into a million pieces and filled me with fear.

I know I still have a few good years left and I embrace them fully. But for this one moment I let myself feel the incredible dread knowing that someday I won't be able to hear the music I love so much, the voices of the loved ones that fill my heart with joy. I felt scared; what will it be like? what will become of me?

But who knows the advances that will be made in audiology in the years to come? I already have the type of hearing aid that my father and grandfather couldn't have dared dreamed of. And now as I listen to "Ode to Joy" this time a little louder, I realize something bigger... that it will still be in my soul; the music, those voices, and they will be as sweet and beautiful as they ever were. And I was a little less afraid.

Book 1: The Paris Wife by: Paula McClain

2012-01-19T06:15:00.004-05:00

Thanks to Anais Nin, I'm such a sucker for the lost generation, more specifically the Paris of the 20's and 30's. This, peppered with my respect for Hemingway (despite him never being my cup of tea in the literary sense), made The Paris Wife a must read. And Paula McClain did not disappoint. Although she could get a little lost in the minutiae, she still painted a lovely portrait of Paris and the life of a very enigmatic writer.

My heart ached when I learned that Hadley's father suffered a similar fate as Hemingway. As the spouse of someone who suffers from depression it was easy to build a connection to Hadley. And while McClain often teetered on the edge of making Hadley into a helpless victim, she quickly found a way to show her resilience, strength, and individuality which left you feeling that no matter what Ernest (or life) threw her way Hadley was going to be just fine. As love can be oh so beautiful and oh so ugly, I thought McClain did a great job showing both sides of Hadley and Ernest's relationship in a very enriching and lovely way. And I can't help but wonder if The Paris Wife is also an ode to the loved ones of artists, who often get the short end of the stick, but who are so pivotal to their success.

And I'll always appreciate a book that can enrage me so, that I can't help but to punch the hubby in the arm, but still find myself turning the pages. (For all his incredible talent Hemingway could be an real bastard). Overall though, If you are a fan of those great writers from bohemian Paris this book would be right up your alley.

January Artist: The Temper Trap - Fader

2012-01-18T06:27:00.000-05:00

All this month I'm getting to know The Temper Trap and their debut album "Conditions". See Sweet Disposition and Love Lost. "Fader" is near-abouts the point on the album they lose their umph. It starts taking on this cookie cutter formula and the lyrics, the emotion behind the songs just fizzle. Its an okay song, there is a good riff but nothing about this song really stands out for me and certainly based on their previous offerings I expected more.

Week 2 Recipe: Banana Bread

2012-01-17T06:14:00.001-05:00

I actually have a little catching up to do in posting the weekly recipe department, which I'll try to do some of that this week.

We actually still have a fair amount of stuff still in storage some 5 hours away. Stuff I can't wait to get back this April, including my recipe box. Winter really gets me in the mood for baking breads and coffee cake. Its been tough not having those favorite recipes, I have this older Paula Dean Banana Bread recipe that was my tried and true. I decided recently that I had no choice but to venture out and try a new one. Enter Pinterest! I stumbled upon one served up by For the Love of Cooking and gave it a whirl.

Banana Banana Bread:

Adapted recipe by For the Love of Cooking.net

Original recipe by Shelley on Allrecipes.com

1/2 cup of butter, softened
3/4 cup of brown sugar
2 eggs
2 1/3 cups of mashed overripe bananas (I used 4)
1 tsp vanilla
2 cups of flour
1 tsp baking soda
1 tsp cinnamon
1/4 tsp salt
1/4 tsp fresh nutmeg, grated

There were just a few modifications I made. 1) I used 2 cups of Bread Flour and 2) I made my own Brown Sugar a la Pinterest. And Folks it was spectacular! It was so very easy to whip up and really between the three of us we polished it off before I could even think to take a snapshot. But if you need some incentive...

And if memory serves, this felt so much easier to do (and if we're honest - tastier) than my old recipe, so look out Paula you've done been replaced.

January Artist: The Temper Trap - Love Lost

2012-01-11T08:10:00.003-05:00

Continuing in my discovery of The Temper Trap; this week I present Love Lost. Its another solid song. Something I'm noticing with the album that this and Sweet Disposition are off of (Conditions) is that there is a common thread that binds the hooks. Just different enough to have the song stand solidly alone while still connecting well with other songs on the album.

The littlest boy (from the beginning) in this video absolutely steals my heart, he's trying so so very hard to keep up and stay in time, as we all feel sometimes in life I think. The curly haired boy will no doubt become a charismatic front man for a band one day. The boy at the end brings back not so fond memories of PE for me.

Week 1 Recipe: Broccoli Lasagna

2012-01-05T08:09:00.005-05:00

I love love love Italian food. If its cheesy, garlicy, noodley, and saucy I love it. Problem is, the hubby isn't so big on it, especially since even standing near a tomato causes him heartburn (poor thing). This week while looking for meals under $10 I came across a recipe for Broccoli Lasagna . I decided it would be worth a shot. I realized when I started making my sauce that I didn't have the dry mustard. So I improvised and added 1/2 tsp of regular mustard to the mix. I also added garlic powder with a little bit of parsley along with a dash or two of paprika. The sauce formed nicely and quickly. I also added a tad more parmesan cheese than the recipe called for.

The recipe called for "cut broccoli" but I found it to be a bit bulky so I whipped out the trusty food processor and gave it a good chopping. I breezed through the layering and popped the badboy in oven. 35 minutes was good enough for me and I let it broil on low for the last 3 minutes to get that nice bubbly brown cheese.

I was excited to see it be such a hit with the hubby and my incredibly picky Stella. Best of all I am certain this the base for a great veggie lasagna. Think about the possibilities as far as veggies go; it would be great to whip up one with spinach, peppers (I think a roasted pepper would be fantastic) and mushrooms. Or maybe adding a bit of cauliflower to the current recipe.

I highly recommend chopping whatever your chosen veggies may be (especially the bulky stuff like broccoli and cauliflower). Overall I think its an easy and fun recipe best of all you can make it your own. We will definitely be making this one again (and again)

Budget Broccoli Lasagna (from BHG.com)

Makes: 8 servings

Prep: 30 mins
Bake: 350°F 35 mins
Stand: 15 mins

ingredients

9
dried lasagna noodles
3 1/2
cups milk
1/2
cup all-purpose flour
1
teaspoon salt
1/2
teaspoon dry mustard
1/4
teaspoon ground black pepper
1/4
teaspoon bottled hot pepper sauce
1/4
cup grated Parmesan cheese
1
16 ounce package frozen cut broccoli, thawed and drained
2
carrots, shredded (1 cup)
2
cups shredded cheddar cheese (8 ounces)

directions

1.Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Lightly grease a 3-quart rectangular baking dish; set aside. Cook lasagna noodles according to package directions; drain. Rinse with cold water; drain again. Place noodles in a single layer on a sheet of foil; set aside.

2.Meanwhile, for sauce, in a medium saucepan, whisk together about 1 cup of the milk and the flour until smooth. Stir in the remaining milk, salt, dry mustard, black pepper, and hot pepper sauce. Cook and stir over medium heat until thickened and bubbly. Remove from heat; stir in Parmesan cheese.

3.Arrange three of the cooked lasagna noodles in the prepared baking dish. Top with half of the broccoli, half of the carrots, 3/4 cup of the cheddar cheese, and 1 cup of the sauce. Repeat layering noodles, broccoli, carrots, cheese, and sauce. Top with the remaining noodles, sauce, and cheese.

4.Bake, uncovered, for 35 to 40 minutes or until heated through. Let stand for 15 minutes before serving. Makes 8 servings.

nutrition facts (Budget Broccoli Lasagna)

Servings Per Recipe 8,
Calories 325,
Protein (gm) 17,
Carbohydrate (gm) 35,
Fat, total (gm) 13,
Cholesterol (mg) 41,
Saturated fat (gm) 8,
Monosaturated fat (gm) 4,
Polyunsaturated fat (gm) 1,
Dietary Fiber, total (gm) 3,
Sugar, total (gm) 8,
Vitamin A (IU) 3256,
Vitamin C (mg) 24,
Thiamin (mg) 0,
Riboflavin (mg) 0,
Niacin (mg) 3,
Pyridoxine (Vit. B6) (mg) 0,
Folate (µg) 89,
Cobalamin (Vit. B12) (µg) 1,
Sodium (mg) 574,
Potassium (mg) 308,
Calcium (DV %) 384,
Iron (DV %) 2,
Percent Daily Values are based on a 2,000 calorie diet

January Artist: The Temper Trap - Sweet Disposition

2012-01-03T08:50:00.006-05:00

Keeping with the spirit of my 35 List, let me present my January Artist. I discovered The Temper Trap and their song Sweet Disposition while watching the movie "500 days of Summer" (a very sweet movie with a great soundtrack) and let me tell you this song felt so familiar I was certain it was a cover. Imagine my surprise when I discovered it wasn't. The Temper Trap is a group of talented Aussie boys. I've been listening to their debut album Conditions these past few days and its not bad. But this song just creeps into your soul and wont go away. I just love that this feels like something that would have been a college radio mainstay in the late 80's/early 90's. It wraps around me and warms my heart with great memories. Its just a fantastic song.

My 35th year.

2012-01-02T08:30:00.002-05:00

One of my dear dear friends Laura posted this absolutely inspirational post just before the new year titled 35 things to do in my 35th year. Its just such an awesome idea; creating a sort of non-bucket list for each year. Its something a little bigger, dare I say more exciting, than new years resolutions. And its not your typical resolution fair. "I'm going to lose that weight" or "I'm going to quit smoking". No, Laura understands how its the big and little things that can bring the bigger joys. For instance, Number 19; "try sushi" or number 27 "change the van tire by myself". And there is an added plus to creating a list like this. You really take the time to think about all those things you've been putting off, to think about your life and what makes you feel happy and fulfilled. Its easy to come up with 35 or 40 or 50 things but its another to pick those particular 35 things that you really want to accomplish in this year not the next 5 or 6.

More often than not with resolutions we think only big and we do great for two or three weeks only to have the excitement wear thin thus leading us back to our old habits. The beauty of Laura's list is that she adds things that she knows she already enjoys doing, but wants or needs to do more, and lightly peppers it with the "shoulds". And I have to say thanks to my list I'm looking forward to the coming year like never before.

So without further ado my list:

Things To Do
1. Read 12 books.
2. Send birthday cards to my nearest and dearest
3. Fix my watch
4. journal daily (even if its one sentence)
5. Discover one new musical artist a month
6. Wear more jewelry

7. Wear more scarves

8. Complete at least one non-food Pinterest project per month

9. Blog at least once a week

10. make gifts for friends and family

11. Create wardrobe I feel shows the "real" me.

12. Finish one sewing project per month (once it arrives from storage)

13. Learn to properly knit and crochet

14. Learn how to play one good song on the piano

15. Try one new recipe a week.

16. Create Stella's reading nook

17. Begin Stella's yearly art books a' la my Pin-spiration

18. Learn how to braid Stella's hair.

19. Research and (if possible) join the local arts council.

20. Complete my first children's book and submit it to a publisher

Adventure/Active

21. Plant and nurture no more than 3 plants for the entire year.

22. Walk 365 miles (not in one day mind you)

23. Shoot a handgun (its that or break plates my friends)

24. Give my hubby at least one long lingering kiss per day

25. Get a new tattoo

26. Take at least one new photograph a week

Trips/Places To Go

27. See at least 2 shows at the Orange Peel

28. Take Stella to see a Play or Ballet Performance

29. Visit Tryon, the birthplace of Nina Simone (sigh)

30. Visit Black Mountain preferably overnight with my awesome hubby.

31. Purchase year passes to Chimney Rock Park/Hickory Nut Falls and use hell out of them

32. Go on at least one date a month with the hubby.

Healthy

33. Get the internal volume turned up on my hearing aids

34. Complete a juice fast

35. Eat clean for one month

And look at that folks, I've already begun work on number 9. So what about you? What would be on your year list?

Wiggle-Iggle Friday: Yeah Yeah Yeahs - Maps

2011-10-21T08:00:00.000-04:00

This is one of those songs that you completely forget about and then one day you find yourself singing the hook.... "Maaaaahaaaps wait... they don't love you like I love you" and you fall in love all over again.

Wiggle-Iggle Friday: Birthday Edition

2011-10-14T08:00:00.000-04:00

Ned is a big fan of Dr. John and this is one of his favorite songs. I see so much of Ned in this song, especially in its groove. Its oh so him. So I thought it was fitting to have a special birthday edition of wiggle-iggle, Ned style. Happy birthday babe.

Ladies and gents Dr. John and Right Place, Wrong Time. Have a great weekend!

Moment of Bliss

2011-10-10T08:00:00.002-04:00

The other night I decided to make a quick trip to the store. When I got in the Jeep as usual, I turned on our local NPR station. World Cafe was on and my timing couldn't have been more perfect. They began to speak of my beloved Jeff Buckley and for the first time in many many years I got a chance to listen to "Last Goodbye" on the radio. Its these moments that remind me of the magic of radio. Or at the very least the magic that it used to have; those hours spent just hoping to hear your favorite song. Strange as it may seem, it holds a different power for me hearing the song as part of a radio show rather than it being in rotation on my mp3 player. Driving through my beautiful new town, the stars bright, this song filled me with the very specific and magical memories attached to it. I also felt that familiar ache that so many Jeff Buckley fans feel, that ache for what could have been. But also gratitude, that the world was lucky enough to experience his gifts however brief that moment may have been.

Coming over the hill and into the parking lot, the next song began to play...

I have so many Pearl Jam favorites but this one... it absolutely haunts me. I couldn't move, I sat there in my Jeep, looking at the mountains and that incredible starry sky. I felt, and I say this with big weepy eyes, I felt such joy, such happiness, absolute bliss. It's important to mention that for quite awhile now my happiness has come from my roles as a mother, a wife, a friend. And it doesn't make them less genuine or fantastic. But its been so long since I've felt this stir, these emotions rise up from a place devoid of those roles. I've missed it. And I promise to do everything I can to stoke this fire. And maybe just maybe, figure out how I can bring this bliss to Franny the mother, Franny the wife, and Franny the friend.

Wiggle-Iggle Friday: Nina Simone - Feeling Good

2011-10-07T08:30:00.000-04:00

Those new weight watchers commercials with Jennifer Hudson singing this song piss me off to no end. This song now and always will be Nina's song and anyone who tries it just fails miserably.

Fashion Faux Pas

2011-10-02T23:20:00.010-04:00

As a "big" girl I gave up on style (in the fashion sense) YEARS ago. None of the outfits my friends wore or favorite singers rocked were accessible to me. Be it a money or a size issue. In my teens the internet was in its infancy, so all the great online stores now available to women of my stature were but a pipe dream then. But at the time grunge was the rage and the flannel was a plenty at our local thrift store. I was a concert t, jeans and doc martens kind of gal. But my clothes usually had some kind of statement behind them. Usually "I write a fanzine, look at me brood" or "music snob" or "Damn the man!"

In my twenties, I tried to acquire some sense of style and from time to time I had a few successful outfits (which normally involved black pants). But I was never good at figuring out what worked best for my body while also showing off my personal taste. I started playing it safe. Black pants, dark shirt, crimson lips. I loved going out for drinks because it allowed me to venture out of my comfort zone. But still my fashion risk taking was eventually relegated to shoes and hair. At that time I had also convinced myself that caring about fashion or style somehow made me vain, that it somehow meant that I was conforming to the status quo or trying to be something I wasn't. (DAMN THE MAN!)

Here's the thing... something has happened to me in my old age. It started with me easily spending 15 minutes just staring into my closet frustrated as hell because almost everything I had said the wrong thing about me. Everything was either color coordinated or straight off the rack at lane bryant. I have beautiful friends of all sizes who seem to effortlessly have this way of putting an outfit together that just speaks volumes about them in such a wonderful way. Why couldn't I do that? I started to see that how I dress isn't about pleasing anyone else, nor is it conforming to some societal norm of what someone my size should wear. That if I was smart about it, it could be really be this great avenue to nurture and express parts of my personality. Sort of like my youth but this time a little healthier and perhaps more polished.

So true to my nerdly-ness. I started researching. I googled every "fat girl" fashion blog I could. But more often than not they involved either really tight mini dresses (fat is SEXY!!) or leopard print moo moos (hide those rolls behind the illusion of wildlife!) Which right on to all you ladies that are in that mindset. But I'm neither here nor there. There was no in between, no pictures of women my size in something someone in her early 30's would be seen in. (that was not insanely Photoshopped, or insanely expensive) Nothing spoke to me. I found myself looking again (as in my youth) pining after the outfits of women who's bodies were completely different than mine. But then something happened. I found one blog, then another and so on... (I love mitten paws and frocks and frou frou) While I couldn't necessarily see myself in every outfit they created, I saw them taking risks, blazing their own trail. I was finally able to see what worked and what didn't work. I was able to get real examples of curvy women with great taste!!

Pinterest has also been hugely instrumental. I'm taking outfits I like and going to my stores and making them my own. You can take a printed blouse and put it with a striped cardigan?! Who knew!! For the first time, I'm thinking about what I want to say, what I want to share, and I'm finding the clothes that say it. And while I'm not an old hand at it just yet. I'm getting there. (I promise I'll share some pics soon) I know I don't have to find the same blouse, the same pants, but if I like the color combinations I can find something I absolutely love the way I feel in. And I guess that the bottom line folks; I can love the way I feel in an outfit, all the time not just on a special occasion. And more importantly I deserve to feel that way.

Wiggle-Iggle Friday: Edward Sharpe and The Magnetic Zero's - Home

2011-09-30T07:30:00.001-04:00

I've been singing this song non-stop as of late. It means oh so much to me these days. Its such a magically sweet song.

Pin-spiration

2011-09-28T08:00:00.000-04:00

Just before our move, my good friend Laura introduced me to ~~Pinterest~~ crack. Its this fantastic site where you can attempt to organize all those great things you find on the internet, you know, the outfits, jewelery and furniture you'll never be able to afford, the recipes you'll never cook and the crafts you'll never find the time to make. This knowledge doesn't stop you from spending copious amounts of time on the site. All kidding aside, it really is a great way to find incredible amounts of inspiration. To prove to myself (and maybe the hubby)that pinterest is not just a place to daydream, each week I'm going to share how I made a pin a reality. Be it crafts, Stella or house projects, fashion or food:

I've had a hate-hate relationship with my eyebrows for as long as I can remember. In my teens I tamed what was at the time a uni-brow. Don't believe me? ask my relatives, most of us were blessed with "Brickhouse Brows". Throw in a scar that runs through my left eyebrow and you've got one rough eyebrow jungle. I've never been happy with how they turned out no matter how I plucked or waxed.

Enter Pinterest: Here are two pins I came across and immediately saved.

Today armed with these two pins I gave it a whirl.

Before: Eyebrow Jungle

Look at that madness folks!

After: Brow-tasticness

This is by far the best job I've ever done on them. Yay pinterest!

Moving Mountains Pt. 2

2011-09-27T08:01:00.000-04:00

When your street name has the word "Hill" in it and your landlord says it has "a few steps" You imagine something very different than this...

CRAP!!

My head immediately began to fill with "Oh my god what have we done?!" My legs screamed "Oh Hell-To-The-No!" and I looked at our moving truck and wondered how the hell we were going to get it all up this mountain. Little did we know the adventure would really begin when we got the keys.

We knew the house was old and we've lived in old houses before but it was plain to see that this house had received very little TLC over the years. There were fake poinsettia flowers in the window boxes folks! But we have to give our landlord some credit for trying. We have new floors and new bathroom fixtures. But the previous tenants either didn't give a rats ass or couldn't afford to keep the house in good shape. Walls are half painted and doors damaged ect ect. And those steps oh my goodness those steps.

You cant tell but there are about ten STEEP and uneven steps down before the concrete slabs

I immediately began my quest for movers. We were very lucky to find two great local guys who swooped in and saved the day. And the hiking began. Toward the end of the day it became this iron man type of endurance test for me. I found myself screaming "YESSSS! I got up this motherfucker!",fist pump and all, each time I reached the top.

When the last few boxes were being brought in I sat down midway up the steps. I watched Ned facing his challenge with such a brave face. You think the stairs were tough for me? These steps may as well be Everest for Ned. Yet he was so happy to just be here that it didn't matter to him, he rose to the challenge in true Ned form. Then I took in the creek across the street from our house and it washed over me; these steps, this place, are going to take me and my body to a place of happiness I have never known before. The place I have always been too scared to go, or never thought I deserved, but wanted so badly. I still hated those steps but damn if I didn't have a new appreciation for them. And then a smile crossed my face that has scarcely left it since.

Moving Mountains Pt. 1

2011-09-26T08:30:00.004-04:00

"You're off to great places. Today is your day. Your mountain is waiting so get on your way" -Dr. Seuss

For so many reasons we decided to finally take the leap and move to the mountains of NC this past August. Since it was a new beginning for us, I thought it would be a great opportunity to be a new beginning for Lilac Tree Delights as well...

The days leading up to our move across the state were exciting, frantic, difficult and terrifying. About two weeks before were were supposed to move, the computer in our Jeep went kaput to the tune of $1,200.00. We were moving into a house that was roughly half the size of what we were living in. A house which by the way we had never seen annnnnnd was in a town we had never been to. (crazy I know!) We were also leaving great friends who had become like family and I was leaving a really great job. But here we were, throwing the proverbial caution to the wind.

In light of the emergency repairs, we decided to go with a smaller moving truck to cut corners. It was also an excuse to come visit our family and friends again as soon as possible. My parents came to spend the last few days with us Stella. Little did I know what a blessing it would be to have them there. For those that don't know it, my dad kicks serious ass; 68, a year and a half out from a heart attack and he was meeting both Ned and I in energy - hell lets not kid ourselves, he totally outdid us.

The drive was great and once I got beyond Raleigh my heart flooded with excitement. I'd never been this far west in North Carolina. Stella was such a champ. She took it all in stride. After staying overnight in a hotel the next day we were all smiles. It felt like the 1st day of a great adventure. About 2 miles from our hotel when I came around the bend I glimpsed the foothills of the blue ridge mountains. Each mile was more spectacular than the last.
Having only driven through the mountains once or twice in my life, it was all at once awe-inducing and anxiety producing for this lifetime sea-level gal. A few cutbacks and one carsick Stella and we had arrived at our new home.

My dear friends know this; if on that day we had any other house rental options available within a 20 mile radius, we would have immediately taken it.

To be continued...

Wiggle Iggle Friday - PJ Harvey - Place Called Home (revisted)

2011-02-04T10:00:00.001-05:00

(Originally posted June 2008)

How I adored (and still do) PJ Harvey when I was in my early twenties. She was everything I wanted to be. This unapologetic, raw, powerful, sexual woman. She is this enigmatic incredible force and the world is better for having her music. The album 'Rid of Me' will knock your socks off and make you want to do the nasty (don't believe me? take a listen to man-size, rid of me, long snake moan...) 'Stories from the City...Stories from the Sea' has to be my 2nd favorite album of hers followed by 'To Bring You My Love'. Stories has so many great songs one of which is 'A place called home' it's meant to be played LOUD preferably in the car whilst singing equally as loud off key.

Wiggle Iggle Friday - Tribe Called Quest - Electric Relaxation

2011-01-28T10:00:00.001-05:00

It's back... You have Pandora and Lunanik to thank for the inspiration.

This Friday its my beloved Tribe Called Quest with Electric Relaxation. We've had a tone of rain and grey skies lately this song (and video) just kind of met with my mood (being constantly stuck in the house yet feeling good)

The Morning Benders - Excuses

2010-10-20T06:46:00.002-04:00

I've been a longtime reader of Becca Woolf over at Girls Gone Child. Sometime ago she started her ode to music (if you will) It is basically 100 songs that hold a special place in her heart. This week she spotlighted number 70, Excuses - by The Morning Benders.

Let me tell you this song just gave me goosebumps. It is so deliciously vintage yet modernly flirty. In my book the mark of a good song invokes the same feelings of having a crush on a boy (or a girl if you so fancy). I couldn't stop smiling and blushing. I couldn't stop thinking about it and it made me want to write bad poetry.

Even if this song is not your forte, you have to admire the utter joy on the faces of the musicians in this video and the incredible (and unexpected) voice coming from such a shy little guy.

Move-It Monday - Sharon Jones and The Dap Kings

2010-06-28T08:00:00.000-04:00

I've decided to move Wiggle-Iggle Friday's to Monday. Because anything that can help pick you up on a Monday is certainly something. Say hello to Move-It Mondays. First up. My beloved Sharon Jones and the Dap Kings (who can do absolutely no wrong) Seeing a SJ&DK show is on my list of things to do before I die. Even if they aren't your cup of tea, well your bound to get a kick out this kids mad dance skills!

Sharon Jones and the Dap Kings - Got A Thing On My Mind

What's in a Name?

2010-06-25T14:23:00.003-04:00

When I was a kid my Aunt Eloise, seemingly out of the blue, decided to call me Franny Annie. Instantly my face contorted as though I smelled the most rank thing in the world. It felt like fingers down a chalk board. It felt so horribly uncool, and uncool was something I was trying desperately to avoid (weren't we all). Oh how Aunt Weezie just looooved to sing that name from the rafters, laughing and hugging me while in winced in adolescent pain.

Flash forward to my early twenties. Enter one vibrant, outrageous friend Melissa. We met when I began working for a Party Store in Gainesville, Florida. (If you don't know already - I have some serious balloon skillz) Somehow, when Melissa heard "Hi my name is Frances" she heard "What UP! my name is FRANNY! Holla!" and she wouldn't have it any other way. I had no choice whatsoever, (something you learn early on when it comes to her).

Melissa has done many things to solidify my undying love for her over the years. But one of the biggest was being the first loved one in my life to be supportive about my hearing disability. She educated herself about my particular loss and took it too heart. To this day, she still does all that she can to best communicate with me. One that brings a smile to my face, is calling my name at a higher pitch when she's trying to get my attention (strangely it totally works). Anyone who walked into the party store was sure to hear a high pitched "Frannee, Frannee!" at some point and time. And you know what, when we talk on the phone, or see each other (which isn't often enough) my heart fills with warmth to hear her shreek my name. She was the first person to make "Franny" feel a little cooler.

Flash forward a few more years, and soon after starting my new job (I cannot believe I've been here a year already), our office manager began calling me the very same thing and before long my boss did too. Now... I totally rock the "Franny" HOLLA!

Lady Stella's Splendiferous Picks

2010-05-26T08:30:00.001-04:00

Something I've wanted to do for a long time when it comes to this dusty ol' blog, is reviews of great books, music, and toys ect ect that Stella has enjoyed. Partly to help my terrible memory come gift time, partly to share with the world, but mostly to serve as a wonderful reminder of my daughter's incredible (ever changing and eclectic taste) as she grows. Thus "Lady Stella's Splendiferous Picks" begins.

It's hard to pick a first item to talk about, however since "Splendiferous" is an homage to Stella's beloved Fancy Nancy, she seems like a good place to start.

Without a doubt Stella is Jane O'Conner's Fancy Nancy in the flesh. Stella's first introduction to Nancy was "Fancy Nancy and the Posh Puppy". I think I've easily read this book 100 times to her. I wasn't sure how I felt about the Fancy Nancy Character, but soon I fell in love myself. She reminds me so much of punky brewster but with a princess twist. The illustrations are just amazing and imaginative. I know that just about any girl would have LOVED to have a room (or at least a closet) like Nancy's growing up.

Strangely, I never get tired of reading these books to Stella, and Stella certainly never tires of hearing them. Fancy Nancy has helped me embrace the girly, sparkly, froo-froo side of Stella, something that I have often felt was my biggest hurdle when it came to raising a girl. Fancy Nancy has taught me that being fancy or posh doesn't make you any less a tough cookie. So we would have to rate this one 5 Stella Star's.

Reason 1,524,455 that I heart NPR

2010-04-27T08:48:00.003-04:00

last night on my drive home I was lucky enough to catch a little piece on two brothers making some AMAZING music. They are called the Whitefield Brothers and their new album is called Earthology. First thing this morning I added them to my favorite pandora radio station. I have a feeling my day will be full of some really really good tunes. It was a clip from this song "Reverse" that pulled me in and made me an instant fan.

Check out the piece online at: Whitefield Brothers

Its guaranteed to put some funky pep in your step today.

My Happiness Project.

2010-03-22T12:20:00.005-04:00

I'm obsessed with this new blog I've stumbled upon www.happiness-project.com
I've already begun incorporating the 18 little things you can do to boost your happiness at the office. And I've begun reading up on the "Happiness Challenge".

Something that has really struck a cord with me are the Happiness Commandments. The blog writer has 12 but there can be as many or as few as you would like. These are basically the rules that you approach your life by-or at least the rules you want to approach your life by. I'm working on my own, but I think I may have to borrow a few from her readers. Here are some of my faves...

Know that the world is a beautiful place.
Believe that there is hope for humanity.
Work to make the first two true
Forget the past.
Don’t think about things too much.
Talk to strangers.
Stay in touch.
Dig deep.
Forgive yourself.
Create something that wasn't there before.
Help others.
Be silly.
Do what matters.
Stay calm.
You are the most important bird in your nest.
This too shall pass
Remember the past but do not dwell there.
Find a bright side and look on it, dammit. (LOVE THIS ONE!!)
Other people are nothing to be afraid of.
Look for the good. (THIS ONE TOO)
Become the person your dog thinks that you are.
Whatever the world takes from you, let it go
Do it Now.
Give grace
Express my gratitude
Rejoice in beauty
Encourage others
Music helps (Most definitely)

So what are some of your "Commandments"?

Dusting it off...

2010-03-19T11:22:00.002-04:00

I'm going to spare you the whole. "it's been forever..." All I know, is that this little blog brought me great happiness and I'm hoping that it can do so again.

So here we are a little older, perhaps a little wiser, and still just as weird. What direction this here bloggy blog takes in the coming weeks and months who knows. But what I do know is, its long overdue that I dust my spot under the lilac tree.

I'm back bitches!!!

Sometimes Stillness Can Be A Good Thing

2009-07-22T20:07:00.004-04:00

It's been almost a month since my last blog post. Today I got an e-mail from Steph over at Praise the Mother asking me where the hell I have been. It's easy to get wrapped up in life sometimes and forget that your blog is sometimes the only connection you have to some of the great people in your life.

Life has been incredible, bittersweet, standing-on-the-edge-of-a-cliff-about-to-jump kind of exciting. It's also been scary, its always darkest before the dawn-ish. It's hard to know where to begin. The hearing aids are fantastic, EXHAUSTING, but fantastic. (which is one of many reason's I've been MIA) The last week has really been the only time that I haven't come home from a busy day and passed out from mental exhaustion. It's been a big test, a huge learning experience, and it has opened up a world of opportunity I have never known my adult life. My confidence has grown exponentially, as far as meeting new people, working, and just going through day to day situations. I firmly believe that the arrival of my hearing aids was the beginning to one of the best chapters of my life.

School starts soon, and I have a great new job, making the best money I've ever made, which isn't saying much but still. Ned is getting better and better, we still have those not so good days but the progress is there.

The incredibly trippy thing is, that while things are falling into place, our present situation is a tough one. We've had to juggle bills, rob peter to pay paul (as my mom puts it), depleat our savings to a very sad amount. And it SUCKS! But the promised land is just around the corner, and the days go by so very slow. But we will get there. That is what is so refreshing, I have no superstition or anxious uncertainty. I know I am walking this path, these are the good things I am welcoming into my life and I am not afraid. I never thought I would say that, but it's true.

Another reason for my absence is the birth of a new blog. I've been exercising and eating well and thusfar lost 25lbs. It's basically my daily journal, nothing to fancy or exciting but taking my bloggy time none the less. But I promise to take the time and sit under the lilac tree with more frequency in the future. Thanks for hanging in there with me.

Better Late Than Never

2009-06-24T15:29:00.004-04:00

Most of you know that tomorrow is the big day. At 9am tomorrow I will be the proud owner of snazzy new RIC digital hearing aids. It's been a long hard journey to get here. When I received my first set of hearing aids in my early 20's, I wasn't as ready as I should have been. I couldn't deny that my hearing was bad, but I wasn't ready for the mental and physical adjustment that came with wearing aids. I would get so frustrated by the audiological overload that soon I wore them less and less. I thought (despite the advice of my dr) that it would be an immediate fix. Of course it wasn't. That's why they are called "hearing aids" not "hearing cure". Only after Stella was born did I really begin to accept my hard of hearing status. To not beat myself up over my uncontrollable handicap. I realize now that having hearing aids will not only boost my confidence in social situations but It will ease the frustration of my loved ones as well. The next few weeks, hell months perhaps will be full of ups and downs. But I'm confident that soon I will take full advantage of my new ear gear.

Something I've been trying repeatedly to let some people know (especially Mom & Dad) is that this will not be a quick fix. I will not suddenly understand everything they are saying. I still need them to stick to the communication rules that apply now. What they and I can look forward to is less repetition and more acknowledgment when they call my name. My Voc Rehab counselor (it maddens me the most insurance companies, including Medicare will cover glasses but will not cover hearing aids) gave me this great little sheet advising a well hearing person how to better communicate with someone who is hard of hearing. It sums it all up so well. And I thought that this is certainly something I should share with you my family and loved ones.

1. Be sure to always face people who are hard-of-hearing, and if possible, get on the same level as them. This allows them to better understand you, because they have additional information about what you are saying. They will not only be able to focus and listen more efficiently, but will also have the opportunity to interpret your facial expressions, lip read, and speechread. All of these will be possible because they will be able to directly see your face.

2. Always be aware of the lighting in the room. It is best for the light to be shining in the speaker's face, rather than in the eyes of people who are hard-of-hearing. Having the light shine upon your face as the speaker will accentuate your facial features. This will allow them to read your expressions and lips more precisely. Never let the light shine in the eyes of people who are hard-of-hearing. They need to be able to see the person they are communicating with, and light in their face will most likely distract and inhibit them from using all of the clues and information available.

3. Be aware of the fact that even though the people who are hard-of-hearing may be able to hear you, your speech may sound distorted. Therefore, they may have trouble understanding some of the words that you say. Try to avoid becoming angry or frustrated with them, because it gets no one anywhere. It is good to be aware that they may not always fully understand you, so that when this does occur, you can prevent negative feelings.

4. Always talk to people who are hard-of-hearing in the same room as they are. You should never yell room to room, but if you absolutely must, tell them who you are and make sure that they have heard you.

5. Take into consideration that everyone has a decreased hearing ability and understands less when they are tired or sick.

6. Speak in a normal fashion but at a slightly slower pace. This will make your speech clearer. Do not shout, exaggerate, or string your words together too rapidly.

7. Keep objects out of your mouth and away from your face when talking, especially your hands. Anything that will obstruct the person's view of your face or the clarity of your speech will make you more difficult to understand

8. Rephrase your sentences rather than repeat them if the person has trouble understanding you. It is better to find a new way to say what you are trying to get across rather than to repeat the same confusing words multiple times.

9. Never speak too rapidly or use complex and long sentences. You should also always pause between sentences and phrases to allow people who are hard-of-hearing time to process what you have said and ask for clarification if necessary.

10. If you are giving people who are hard-of-hearing specific information such as time, place, price, or a telephone number, ask them to repeat it back to you to assure that they have correctly heard you. Many words and numbers sound very similar.

People that are hard-of-hearing may often become frustrated that they cannot understand what people around them are saying. It can also get very frustrating for their communication partners when they are trying to tell them something and cannot easily and effectively do so. Although these tips may seem simple, they can make a world of difference for both parties. Communication will be a much more satisfying process all around!

Happy Father's Day Ned !

2009-06-21T06:03:00.001-04:00

There are many reasons why I think Ned is a great father. He has taught our daughter to be absolutely fearless. He has taught her the comedy of biology (those two laugh so hard when anyone near them farts). He's taught her how to hang with the boys. She will one day thank him for always having her back, for teaching her all these lessons and countless more to come. He lives and breathes for her, His love for her has saved his life on occasion I'm sure of it. And most of all. He focuses on staying healthy mentally and physically for her. He is the best father I could have asked for for her. I'm so lucky and honored to bear witness too it.

I'm dusting off an oldie that I created for Ned's Birthday awhile back. Of course I have a few special treats in store for this father's day. But this one sums up perfectly what I would give him if money was no object. Even sacrificing my precious Obama for his beloved Ron Paul. (Seriously he just loves the guy!) So it's worth sharing with the world once more. This time substitute "happy birthday" for "happy father's day"

Ned Birthday Love from Frances B on Vimeo.

I'm A Believer

2009-06-16T09:16:00.004-04:00

Angie over at Gathering Up The Pebbles recently recommended to me a green smoothie. Looking at the ingredients I was very skeptical. I was certain that if walked outside picked a handful of grass and ate it that would surely taste better than this green smoothie. Greens and berries? What?! My Green consumption has consisted of spinach and salad greens. Being from the south my nose has been victim to many a pot of collards, and the occasional batch of mustard greens. I've avoided them like the plague. But I trust Angie and I was willing to give it a shot.

And I am so glad I did. My first try left me with a pretty decent smoothie. It didn't taste at all like a cup of collard greens. It was sweet and fruity. And CHEAP! And VERY good for you. And did I mention cheap?! (man was that a lot of "ands" or what?) Best of all you can play with the ingredients. I am confident that soon I will concoct a green smoothie that will be an absolute delight for the taste buds. But courtesy of Angie here are the basics.

1. Put about a cup of greens (Spinach, Kale, Mustard, Collard, etc) in your blender with 6-8 ounces of water. Blend Well.

2. Add your fruits. I usually do a banana or apple first. Blend. At this point the concoction is very green and is not appealing to the palette...so add...

3. Frozen berries! This turns the color anywhere from a dark purple to a bright red (which in my book makes it easier to drink)

I found mustard and kale greens on sale for 99 cents a pound I grabbed what I thought was surely a pound and discovered I had maybe 1/3rd a pound. 38 cents?! SCORE! I still have enough left over for at least one more smoothie maybe more. So you could easily get by with one lb of greens per week.

And you can ad whatever fruit you like bananas, oranges, apples, pears, go crazy!
I've also read about some people adding pomegranate juice for sweetness. I thought about throwing in some rhubarb as well.

AND!! you can easily add things like flaxseed oil, Protein powder, vitamins the list goes on and on.

Trust me I was a huge skeptic about this drink but it is fantastic! And you can easily knock out those veggie and fruit requirements for the day. Plus this thing packs a nice vitamin and energy punch. Give it a shot, you will be so glad you did! Thanks for the schooling Angie!!

Favorite Things- Exercise Edition

2009-06-15T07:17:00.002-04:00

My neighbor has talked about this cream of hers many a times. "It burns like hell but damn it works" I was a little skeptical to say the least. Sensing my disbelief she gave me a trial size of it. And let me tell you. It works! It really really works. And it has made the aches and pains of the last 2 weeks but a brief feeling. My right knee is not liking all this "get healthy non-sense" and I slap a pea size amount on and bye bye cranky knee. My back was tweaked yesterday and after a little rub down, it really loosened things up. I can't recommend a product more it's retailing for about $16.00 but considering you use only a smidgen of ointment at a time it's an absolute steal!!

Order it on-line now, you will be so glad you did

Wiggle Iggle Friday - Gangsta Galifianakis

2009-06-12T12:55:00.002-04:00

Comedian Zack Galifianakis isn't everyones cup of tea but oh he is mine. He's the smartasses smartass. I cannot wait see The Hangover, and I'm so glad that finally Zack is in a movie that's decent and getting the attention he deserves. I remembered today this Kanye West Video that features Zack on his NC farm. And I thought it a nice edition to the Wiggle Iggle Friday collection.

Enjoy

Can't Tell Me Nothin' from Zach Galifianakis

OY #1,789,546

2009-06-10T12:16:00.003-04:00

If you were in my local Target at 11:40 today..Yeah that was me and my daughter.. Sorry about that.

The visit started off well. She was walking around saying "Hi, How are you?" to everyone. It was supposed to be a quick trip to the pharmacy. On the way back out she decided she wanted a snack. We were in a hurry so I said no. She goes hippy protester on me and starts wailing "Snnnnnaaaaacck" wanting to now expedite our exit I pick her up and she immediately starts yelling "HELP! HELLLLP ME! HELP" I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. I was grateful that I had her id on me and I was completely expecting someone to stop me.

We made it out and home, and I realized with pride. That either my daughter is just too damn smart for her own good or someday she will win an Oscar.

Pre-Emptive Strike

2009-06-03T13:13:00.006-04:00

"My theory is that when it comes to important subjects, there’s only two ways a person can answer. For instance, there’s two kinds of people in this world, Elvis people and Beatles people. Now Beatles people can like Elvis. And Elvis people can like the Beatles. But nobody likes them both equally." Mia-Pulp Fiction

I am without a doubt a Beatles person which is a serious bone of contention in the home of my hardcore Elvis lovin' parents. One of my earliest, warmest memories of my childhood would have to be listening to my friends' dad play Beatles tunes on the piano. Now that I think about it, this is probably one of the first places my deep love for music was rooted. And as beautiful as Beatles music is, there was something about hearing it on the piano that will always bring a feeling of happiness over me.

Recently, while visiting our favorite burger joint (that's decorated in a very retro fashion) we somehow found ourselves in the "elvis" booth. Of course this was only because the "Beatles" booth was a little dirty. All of a sudden Stella starts pointing to the pictures and proudly saying "elvis, elvis, elvis" She might as well put a stake through my heart. We immediately got up and reseated ourselves in the "Beatles" booth. I realized that if I'm not careful Stella will become an elvis person and well folks the world would most certainly end. Kidding. Okay not so much. So we've begun an onslaught of Beatles programming. In some ways initiating a kind of psychological warfare "What do you say when you see PawPaw? "Obla-Dee Obla-Dah" That's Right!!" Singing and Dancing non-stop to all things John, Paul, George and Ringo she's taken to it quite nicely. And in so many ways I've kind of fallen in love with them all over again. Lucky for me Stella responds so positively to one of my FAVORITE Beatles songs "here comes the sun" and it seems so fitting as her sweet smile will always fill my life with warm sunshine.

I'm Just Going To Put It Out There

2009-05-28T14:48:00.004-04:00

Gay Marriage, Prop 8 it's been on my mind A LOT lately. Ned has a funny notion "If gay people want to be just as miserable as the rest of us, I'm certainly not going to stand in their way" AKA "I believe that gay people have just as much right to be married as the rest of us"

One of the arguments against gay marriage is that gay couples can't have children. That the human race will somehow get wiped off the planet if we allow gays to be well GAY. My BIG problem with this notion is what about the couples who for one reason or the thousands cannot bear children? They can't have kids does that mean that they aren't allowed to be married?

Of course this is a subject I can go ON and ON and ON about (and usually do if I see the opportunity to do so) But here are a few important points I would like to make.

I believe that Gay Marriage should happen NOW. Why? Because millions of children need them. There are over 500,000 children in the Foster care system and almost as many waiting for adoption. Many of them in desperate need of families. What if... and this is for those that believe it's "not right" based on spiritual beliefs. What if. God created homosexual love so that these unwanted or abused children can have parents?. It is my firm belief that Gay couples are meant to be the parents to many of these children. They offer an understanding and patience certain kids need so desperately. In so many cases a gay couple will understand what it means to feel unwanted, they understand the need to be understood and not looked at as a pariah. I'm not saying that straight couples can't offer the same, but obviously there are more kids than couples who are stepping up. Here you have pool of millions of couples that would love nothing more than to nurture a child.

But on a baseline level this much I believe; Love, real love for another human being is such a rare thing. This world is full of so much hurt and pain, why on earth do some people insist on begrudging others a basic human right? The right to be and feel loved. The right to say, I want to commit to you now and forever. To want their loved one to know that I will not leave your side, in sickness and in health. It baffles me the excuses people offer against gay marriage... Insurance? Taxes? if that makes up your reasons for getting married I feel oh so sorry for your spouse.

I'm sympathetic that for some to change the way they believe about homosexuality means the foundation of their faith is rocked. And some will cite a scripture or two. well the if that's the end all be all these few scriptures then what about your love of bacon? Leviticus 11:7 - And the swine, though he divide the hoof, and be clovenfooted, yet he cheweth not the cud; he is unclean to you. Or perhaps you have your ears pierced? Maybe a little tattoo? Ye shall not make any cuttings in your flesh for the dead, nor print any marks upon you: I am the LORD - Leviticus: 19:28 Wait Wait Wait, why am I typing these words when I should have never been educated in the first place! 1 Timothy 2:12-14 - I do not permit a woman to teach or to have authority over a man. My point is, that to say it's "god's law", surely you MUST follow all the other "rules" right? It's not pick and choose.

I'm sympathetic that it's a difficult choice to make. But you chose your faith, you choose to go to church on sunday, you choose to believe in scripture. The bottom line is that homosexuality is NOT a choice. My friends, MY BROTHER did not wake up one day and say "you know what sounds like soooo much fun?! I'm going to choose to incite the anger and violence and ostricization of others. I'm going to go against my natural sexual urges for the opposite sex and get it on with someone of the same sex. I'm going to risk the alienation of my family, friends and co-workers...This being a homosexual sounds like a friggin blast!!"

Why don't we call it what it is... Fear, fear of the unknown, for some it's perhaps fear of their own feelings. And Miseducation. I respect faith, I've seen in so many how powerful religion has been. Your Faith is exactly that...Yours and if it brings you peace and happiness then I am so happy for you as that too is rare in this world. But have it be about yourself, not about me or anyone else. Grow and nuture your own faith in god and leave judgement in the hands of the almighty not your own.

Hello Lover...I've Been Waiting For Oh So Long

2009-05-26T18:28:00.002-04:00

In 2-4 weeks a new world will open up for me. I cannot tell you how long the journey has been to these. It was nice to finally get some good news in the wake of all the bad these days.

For Uncle David, Pug, Jonny, and millions more

2009-05-25T00:34:00.006-04:00

The first memory I have of a Veteran is that of my Uncle David. I didn't understand what the word meant but I knew he was one. David had a smile that matched the size of his enormous heart. And his hugs...he would crush you if you let him, they were so very tight. He had a very beautiful family, 3 beautiful children. Anyone who was in David's presence felt immediately that the world was a better place for having known him. David was a Veteran of the Vietnam War. While he was one of the lucky ones to come home. History shows us that he did not come home to the welcome he deserved. I remember in my political youth, I once said that while I certainly apposed the Vietnam War. I would never feel nothing but tremendous pride in my brave Uncle David. As a kid I used to wish that I could travel back in time so that perhaps I could have given him the welcome home he so deserved. In High School when I visited the Vietnam Memorial I was overcome. Inconsolable I could only sob "there are so many names". The memory tears me up to this day. I also remember seeing fellow classmates etching names of relatives and I was so grateful that my Uncle David came home. Unfortunately David still left this world far too soon, but there is not a Memorial or Veterans day that goes by that I don't think of him. David instilled in me the awareness that while you can disagree with WAR you must always be grateful to the people who love their country so much, that they are willing to sacrifice themselves.

Pug, our former landlord (funny how that just sounds like such an inappropriate way to describe him to me) and dear friend. Has eyes that light up when you see him. He is always so kind and always has all the time in the world for you. He has this hearty laugh and is just a very very wonderful soul. I'm honored to know this Korean War Vet. My life has been so enriched by our many discussions about life and war. I think of him today.

And my sweet cousin Jonny, I can fill volumes with my pride for him. By far the most loving and tenderhearted boy I have ever met. He deserves nothing but the best in this life. He is so talented, and brave, and smart, patient and kind. And he is the first person I've known that has really brought about a new level of understanding when it comes to war. Jonny is an Iraq War Veteran. And I look at Jonny as a mother looks to a child. I see the invisible scars, the private war that wages in him. I learned from him that the sacrifice of our armed forces does not end on the battlefield. It continues on long after the tour is over. And they all continue to face it with a bravery that floors me with it's magnitude.

I think of them and all the other sons and daughters, that have and continue to make a sacrifice I will never be capable of.

Including:
Ernest James Brownley Sr.
Ernest James Brownley Jr.
Phillip Brownley
Evan Campbell
Roscoe Liverman
George Liverman
Edward Plympton Brown I.
Thomas O'Hara

Regardless of whether you feel a war is just or not, The love and devotion they show to this country through their sacrifice is a gift that none of us should ever take for granted. On the battlefield and off.

I offer my simple and humble... Thank You.

Wiggle Iggle Friday

2009-05-22T11:43:00.004-04:00

This one is going out to Ned & Stella

Frugal Franny

2009-05-21T15:58:00.004-04:00

I decided that the tone of this here bloggy blog has been a bit brooding of late. And if it's ever going to get back to a peppy place I need to start writing about less depressing stuff. You know like the economy and how it's completely in the toilet.

Hey you should know by now my sense of humor is twisted.

Seriously though. I've become a little more active about saving money as of late. My mom was a coupon clipper but I never thought much about it until recently. It all started with a blog post on iambossy about how a teaspoon of HE laundry detergent is equivalent to a full cup of regular laundry detergent. She sites one woman who bought an $11 box of detergent OVER a year ago and is still using it. This was HUGE for me! But I was a little bit skeptical about it. 1 teaspoon are you kidding me?! So recently I decided to give it a try but instead of using a teaspoon I upped it to a tablespoon. I washed a full load of laundry and it came out smelling like I had used a full cup of my regular detergent! HOLY LAUNDRY BATMAN!

Needless to say I'm sold, and I kind of like not having to worry about laundry detergent for quite awhile. Now if I could just find the patience for coupons...

Well Said

2009-05-20T07:32:00.001-04:00

"you have to be able to suck it up, hold it together, and stay strong." ~ makinitwork via her "Living With A Bipolar Spouse" Blog

Lost In Translation...or just Lost

2009-05-19T14:02:00.005-04:00

When I was a kid, I was VERY awkward when it came to my peers. I was always so anxious about what I said, trying desperately not to make an ass of myself. One moment in Junior High that I remember vividly to this day involved a boy, that I thought was quite cool. He was smart as a whip, AP all the way, in fact If I remember correctly he graduated high school early. He was so funny and witty. But I need to also mention (as it is important to the story) that this boy had a very slight physical disability. I sooo wanted to be friends with him and I ruined it with one incredibly embarrassing question.

During a dance the opportunity arose to have a conversation with him, we had exchanged words here and there and I in my infinite pre-teen awkwardness thought hey I know just the thing to talk to him about! Yours truly approached this incredibly sweet, smart, funny boy and started to tell him about how I was going to be a volunteer at the upcoming Special Olympics. Here it comes.... I then ask this kid, "so are you going to be participating?" Yep that's right I asked this kid who probably went on to score 3000 on his SAT's if he was retarded. I had confused his physical disability with a mental one. Why in the hell I thought for a second that it was an appropriate question I'll never know. That by far was one of the most embarrassing things I have ever said in my entire life. And let me tell you there have been some winners! Needless to say, that kid wanted NOTHING to do with me for the rest of Junior High and into High School.

Today I was reminded yet again the power of words. And that if we don't use them wisely they can be very hurtful. Whether we intended them to or not. I was reminded that its always so important to tell people to their face how you feel. Especially when you have something nice to say. Otherwise your emotions can get lost in translation. I'm not perfect. As much as I love words and writing I don't always convey the right thing. As much as I strive to find the correct way to relay sentiments I sometimes it get all turned around.

I need anyone and everyone to know right here right now. That Ned's sister is a force to be reckoned with. The strength, the energy, the love she has given to Ned and her wonderful boys continues to astound me. The struggles I am currently weighted with are but a fraction of what she has endured. I as well as Ned credit her with helping him survive his cancer and subsequent illnesses. Look up the word SACRIFICE in the dictionary and it will have a pic of "M" circa 2003. (and rightfully so)

To hear that something I said offended her breaks my heart. I've found myself saying quite a few times this past Month; "How would "M" handle this?" or better yet "How did "M" handle this?" Ned would have never gotten the help he needed recently had his sister not been beside me pushing him. I'll tell you like I told her. Every day that my husband opens his eyes, I am thankful that he had her 6 years ago.

Everything is so upside down in my life right now, One second I feel like I'm making all the right decisions and things are starting to look up, The next all I see around me is how I'm failing those I love, those that need me. The next I want to check out of everything!! I need to remember that while it's good to say what I feel. Because my emotions are running around completely lost, these days I need to give certain things extra thought before sending it out into the world. Less another great person decides they want nothing to do with me ever again.

Wiggle Iggle Friday - For Shane

2009-05-15T12:50:00.000-04:00

So I'm still on the fence about whether or not to put Wiggle Iggle Friday's to bed. Perhaps I can mix it up with a Musical Monday as often the songs I want to share don't have much wiggle but are worthy of mention. But I digress.

My lovely baby brother Shane, is in L.O.V.E with Lady Gaga. It was my JOB to follow popular music for 7 years so after I left Radio I made a point to avoid it at all cost. So needless to say this hot chick of the moment leaves no impression upon me.

Now, today I discovered this incredibly talented kid known as the 401drummer who takes popular songs and puts his own little twist on them. This is his version of Lady Gaga's Poker Face.

THAT is something I could learn to love!! And please if you have about 20 minutes to kill (don't we all right?!) Please do check him out. (his version of Kanye's Hearless is pretty impressive) VERY VERY talented! I'm thinking about sending him requests, I look forward to seeing future posts from him.

Franny's Most Anticipated Movies

2009-05-12T11:05:00.001-04:00

I just have to share with you the trailers for "away we go" and "my sister's keeper" Seriously I cannot wait to see these two movies.

In an attempt to be more honest

2009-05-11T10:32:00.003-04:00

My blog has not been the only thing I've neglected of late. There have been a few close friends that I've pushed away. In the interest of staying honest with myself and learning how to be more open with those that love me, about my feelings. I sent this recently to 3 very special friends that have been in my life for 10 plus years that I found myself pushing away lately.

This letter also lays it out the reason for my absence as of late.

I hope you don't think less of me by sending this to a few others but this is something that needs to be said to all of you.
I have so much to say its hard to know where to begin. Recently it was made aware to me that I’ve been this person that everyone else finds it so easy to turn to when the seas of life get rough, yet when the storm clouds close in on me, I don’t give those who love me the chance to help me weather the storm.

This is me, reaching out.

It would be a mute point to tell you that things have not been right with me for a long time. It all started about 2 years ago. Sure there has been a few rays of sunshine, there has been calm seas. But hindsight is always 20 /20 and I’ve realized that its always been on the surface, I’ve just been pushing it deeper and deeper. Recently someone said that it feels like they have been pushing all these bad things down in a bottle. Just shoving them down just to get by, just to function. They packed it so tight that it has burst, shattered beyond repair. This person is my husband. My bottle has not yet shattered but it's most certainly cracked.

There have been things that I’ve hidden, from myself and from you. Partly from shame, partly because I kept telling myself “fake it till you make it..” The first thing is my hearing. I didn’t want to have the problems I did. I could see my father and grandfather and know how bad it was going to get. And I just couldn’t accept that that was the road I was going to head down. It was a joke, “Fran hears what she wants to hear” “how can you ear a pin drop from another room but can’t hear me when I call you?” And heaven help me I really wanted it to be in my head. I’ve come to the cold hard realization that it’s not. And I’ve done a lot of damage to my life because of my ignorance. I’ve avoided friends and social and/or professional situations all because I felt like a leper. So many of those I love have no idea the severity of my social phobia, they’ve known something was legitimately wrong with my hearing (it’s obvious and I know that) But do you realize that over the years there have been entire conversations I have winged. Grasping at straws to try and piece together what you were trying to relay to me? And the past two years it’s gotten worse. Much worse. I wouldn’t wish my worse enemy what I’ve experienced at times. There was one day when Stella and I were alone for a while; I was in the kitchen and doing a few errands outside as she was supposed to be sleeping. I realized that she had been down for a while and I hadn’t heard a peep. I walked in to her room and never before and never since had she been so distraught. She had been crying, screaming for quite awhile. And I never heard her. I was in the same house and I couldn’t hear her. My nightmares are filled with the cries I walked into that day. My hearing is VERY VERY bad. I have what is called reverse slope hearing loss. And if my “slope” went forward, I would have a speech impediment. That‘s how bad it is. And I’ve been told that my hearing could be slightly (he said emphasis on the slightly) better to that of my legally deaf father, or it could be worse. That because my loss is genetic I can look to him as a here is where you're going to be 20 years from now. I’ve only very recently embraced this, embraced the fact by trying to ignore it all these years has been more of a handicap than being deaf will ever be. Hearing aids are in the works, as well as sign language classes. Learning to enjoy social situations again, that’s taking some time but I know I’ll get there.

Here comes the second and perhaps biggest thing I need you to know

Ned had a nervous breakdown about a year and a half ago. I can’t say that one particular thing caused it. At the time there were things, things that we really couldn’t control, that cracked that bottle. Knowing what I know now, this was going to happen whether or not those things came to pass or not. He was suicidal, and we for a few weeks seriously considered hospitalizing him. He started therapy and for a little while the seas calmed. We would go a few weeks and then the storms would come raging back in. I battened down the hatches and locked out the world. I couldn’t break down to anyone, less I would lose the strength my daughter needed. Less I lose the strength I needed to get out of bed in the morning. And life, not giving a damn what you are going through at home also smacked me around. We lived in a town that when you fiercely protect details about your life, people in that town decide that you must have something to hide and make up their own theories about you. And the pressure from home and work just pushed me to a point where I was not handling anything-well AT ALL. Again, it’s life; I know that it’s never meant to be perfect. But soon between Ned’s breakdown and some other situations we decided to leave as soon as possible to start fresh, we didn’t expect the grass to be greener, just perhaps the weather would be a little nicer.

And it was for a short time. And heaven help me, I meant no disrespect by not calling or contacting you. But I had my happy family back for the first time in a long time. And I didn’t want to waste a second of it. Probably because somewhere down inside I knew it wouldn‘t last.

Two weeks ago. After one of the most vicious fights in our marriage, my husband broke. We immediately took him to the hospital; both his sister and I feared that his tumor had returned. His behavior was so unlike him. I had been fighting this fear for a few months as he had been getting sick and his migraines were getting worse. The scan came back clear but this meant that it was psychological.

See after Ned’s 1st breakdown, I found out that his parents are bipolar. The stories I had heard about them, and the experiences of a bipolar friend I had a few years back didn’t jive with the experiences I was having with Ned. Plus his previous psychiatrist told us that he suffered from severe depression and anxiety. But I’m sitting in the hospital with Ned that night and the Psychiatrist starts asking a particular set of questions and one by one the pieces start falling into place. He was finally diagnosed with Bipolar disorder. And he was hospitalized for a week. He’s begun what will be a lifetime of medications. But this is just the beginning of a long road for the both of us. For I have to help my heart learn as my head now knows that the horrible words that often came from his mouth (there was NEVER any physical violence) were not coming from the man that I married. I relayed that night in the hospital, the things he had said to me during our fight and Ned was flabbergasted and distraught that he would ever say such things to me. He doesn’t remember them. And countless doctors since have told me that he didn‘t mean them. It was in fact, his illness. But when these things were going on how could I come to you and tell you what he said to me? Somewhere inside I knew that it wasn’t him. But I also knew that if I repeated it to you that most of you would have told me to leave. Yes, I put up with it so much longer than I needed to. But I didn’t know what I was up against. And as Ned so elegantly puts it, “it’s hard to see the forest when you‘re standing amongst the trees” Ned has handled this so pro-actively. He’s educating himself; he understands the importance of his medications and therapies. He in no way wants Stella to have the same kind of family life he had. And I have made it very clear to him that if he doesn’t remain pro-active about his treatment, that Stella and I are gone. For She and I can no longer live in the kind of house we were living in. Again, he was never physically abusive. But the verbal abuse, the paranoia, the weeks of depression was really starting to get ugly. And my daughter is much too beautiful and wonderful to grow up in that kind of house. But I'm so happy to tell you though, that the Ned I love is beginning to appear again. We are laughing again. He is more patient and supportive. We are healing. Again the road will be a long one. But as long as he works hard, I will always do the same.

So here we are. We are both going to be utilizing our time here. Where the future takes us we shall see. But I know now that I cannot live my life trying to protect Ned from the world nor the world from Ned. That my happiness my fulfillment is just as important as it was before he was in my life. So I’m diving in again. And I’m nervous, excited, scared, but invigorated.

I’ve been neglectful of so many things for these two reasons. One of the most important “things” has been you. Please know from the bottom of my heart I never meant you harm. And I’m sorry I never gave you the opportunity to be there for me. I’m hoping that some day I can make it up to you.

Yours always,
Frances

I'm borrowing this one

2009-05-05T23:58:00.005-04:00

I've recently started lurking this fantastic blog called Praise the Mother. I have yet to obtain the courage to post a comment but I'm incredibly impressed with it and more importantly her taste in music. I've only recently had the chance to catch up on my favorite blogs. Due to some family issues (totally blog worthy but I don't think I have the strength the write about it just yet) I've missed blogging, I'm not sure if anyone missed me. But I will and must return to this very soon. In any case she posted this song from Pearl Jam (a beloved band from my youth that I seem to be falling in love with all over again recently) This song perfectly sums up my life of late.

In Hiding - Pearl Jam
I shut and lock the front door.
No way in or out.
I turned and walked the hallway, and pulled the curtains down.
I knelt and emptied the mouth of every plug around.
But nothing's sound.
Oh, oh. Nothing's sound.

I stayed where my last step left me.
Ignored all my rounds
Soon I was seeing visions and cracks along the walls.
Oh. They were upside down. Oh. Oh.
I swallow my truth to keep from lying.
I swallow my face just to keep from biting. I, I...
I swallowed my breath and went deep, I was diving. Diving.
I surfaced and all of my being was enlightened.
Now I'm...

I'm in hiding. (x4)

It's been about three days now since I've been aground.
No longer overwhelmed.
And it seems so simple now.
It's funny when things change so much, it's all state of mind.

I swallowed my truth to keep from lying.
I swallowed my face just to keep from biting. I, I...
I swallowed my breath and went deep, I was diving. I was diving.
I surfaced and all of my being was enlightened.
Now I'm...

I'm in hiding. I'm in hiding, I'm...
I'm in hiding, I am, oh. I'm in hiding
I'm in hiding yeah. I'm in hiding, I am...
I'm in hiding. (x2)

Remembrance

2009-04-07T06:52:00.000-04:00

Far away there in the sunshine are my highest aspirations. I may not reach them, but I can look up and see their beauty, believe in them, and try to follow where they lead. ~Louisa May Alcott

All of my love to you M & T and your beautiful boys on this day.

A Life In Color

2009-03-19T10:46:00.005-04:00

If you had told me 5 years ago I'd be a elmo singing, mommy group lovin, sippy cup washin, mama I would have asked for your crack dealer's number. But I so am. And dammit I'm happy. And those that have known me for years know just how far away from my old life my current life is. And I have to be honest sometimes I miss those old aspects of my life. But I remind myself that those experiences along with my current ones are full of such color and diversity. And it makes me smile. I led a pre-baby life that will make for some very interesting stories when I'm old. And would probably shock some of my new friends. The fact that I even have those stories to tell is all that matters my darlings.

Recently I found a "mommy group" that has really made such a huge difference in my life and the lives of my family. And I have to be honest I had some pretty ridiculous pre-concieved notions about what it meant to be in a "mommy group". But we are all so very different in personalities and yet so alike in our day to day lives, it's been so refreshing to find that no one judges the other.

Which isn't to say that I don't get nervous about sharing certain aspects about myself. But I know that the other mommies feel the same way. The best part about it though, is that we don't have to know all the details of the past. We are just there for each other in the present. It's a beautiful thing my friends!

One of the things I've been most proud of in my life has been my go where the road takes me mentality and it has lead to to the most unpredictable and exciting places. There was a time in my very inexperienced youth that I had a very narrow view on what it meant to be a parent, I felt sorry for moms in my hometown, I felt like they had somehow settled for something less in their life. And that may have been true for some of them. But as I've discovered. It can be quite the adventure as long as you never lose sight of who you really are and what's really important to you. It can be the most exciting, challenging, scary and rewarding experience of your life. It's not for some and that's okay too. I guess the most important thing we should learn is that fill our life with the color of experience, whatever color life gives you take it and make it yours. In the end it will surround you with the peace of a life well lived.

Wiggle Iggle Friday - Stella B-day Edition

2009-03-13T08:23:00.004-04:00

Tomorrow is Stella's 3rd birthday, We are planning a monkey party and all her new little friends are coming over to celebrate. It's been such an emotional couple of days and I'm planning a Newsletter post for sunday. But for now in honor of Stella's big O-3 I thought I post some of her favorite songs of late

1st up "The ABC song" with India Arie (I love her voice!) and Elmo

2nd up Sid The Science Kids "Friend Song" Stella & Daddy sing this song Non-Stop, They LOVE this Show.

3rd is the Super Why theme song. Stella goes Nuts when this song plays and sings "SUPER WHY...SU-PER WHYYY!" to the top of her lungs. Daddy and I usually sing along sounding more like "super why... su-per whyyyyyy oh god why me?!"

And last but not least the hipper version of the Sesame Street them song. At first I resisted this mostly out of nostalgia but it's growing on me. And the magic is still most definitely there.

The best part about all these songs is I get to hear the sweet voice of my little girl sing them which will always be my favorite song in the world.

Operation No Mo Black Thumb - Day 20

2009-03-12T07:49:00.003-04:00

Well folks I didn't think it was possible but Edith is still alive and actually thriving. She even survived the transplant into a new home. I've been feeling so good about Edith's success that I actually decided to tend to another plant. 72 to be exact. Ambitious aren't I?! We decided to start a garden and our little seedlings are going strong. So strong that I'm going to have to transplant the sunflowers VERY soon.

Stella seems to really enjoy it as well, playing in the dirt, watching the seeds grow. I've been very proud to have her help me with this little project. Now I'm realistic, while I'm doing well I'm really just 20 days in, I can't get cocky now.

But am I rocking the pastel green thumb or what?

go little guys go!

For Martha & Tim

2009-03-10T07:44:00.001-04:00

Indigo Visions
by: Sue Emery

There are unexpected places
Beyond perspective, beyond time
Where angels leave no traces
And grief becomes sublime

There is a world of violet light
Within our mind, within our heart
Where spiritis take final flight
And sorrow can depart

There was a sound so soft and still
Close as a whisper, close to death
Where healing heart brings goodwill
And inner light takes breath

There are no sobs, nor wailing songs
Above the clouds, above the stars
Where nature's lamplight belongs
And wind's sweet chime afar

There's a place of sound and vision
Whose aura beckons, whose colour smiles
Where thoughts avoid collision
And indigo beguiles.

We love you and your boys Always

Reason # 1,500,999 Why We Left That God Awful Town

2009-03-05T12:12:00.000-05:00

I'll never know how we lasted as long as we did in that little town we lived in not so long ago. It seems so very far away and honestly it feels like a very very dark time. Recently I recieved some news that for some odd reason peaked my interest in what was going on in that very small town. So I looked it up on TOPIX and started reading some of the forums. When I came across these posts I was reminded why I haven't missed a damn thing about that town (except for a VERY small group of extraordinary people)

Poster A -Note to all citizens of "T" County - please stop the gossip. It seems that the good folks in this county have nothing better to do than to sit around and talk about everyone, and what is sad is that they have no idea what they are talking about. So to all of you old biddies - shut your mouths, to all of you young girls - get a clue and to everyone else - mind your own damn business!! If you have to gossip about everyone else, it just goes to show how sad your life is and that you have nothing better to do with yourself.

Reply A - good try. but if you're doing something wrong you're going to be talked about. and if you're doing something right you're going to be talked about. even if you mind your own business... you know the drill! fact is people gossip. and for you to post this probably means you're one of the biggest talkers, you just can't take it when the rumor is about you!

Reply B - We don't gossip in "T", we share. Most of us are family and if you don't like it here, then stay in Raleigh or New York or where ever, and keep your sons and daughters out of our schools and businesses, we don't need your ways here, if you like it here fine visit and drop some money here, but all oyur (their typo) doing is driving our taxes up and killing our way of living, can't wait to see you damn yankees move on, we want you gone!

Auditory Journeys

2009-03-02T06:38:00.001-05:00

This past Friday, I went for my first audiogram in a few years. Oddly enough I was incredibly nervous. It's not a painful test. Not if you don't count the incredibly intense bout of tinnitus the test sets off. Still I was incredibly anxious. I realized though that this is the test that will point out just how bad my hearing is. It will lay it out in a neat little graph. There is that part of me that wants it to look like it did years ago, in the mild-moderate range. But I know better, I know that sideways S has dropped lower down the graph. And it has.

As you can tell I've begun the descent into the moderately severe zone. If you're lucky (and I hope very much that you are) you've never laid eyes on one of these graphs. Most are filled with little less than or more than symbols, x's and o's. The way the test works is they relay words or beeps at certain Hertz levels, if you can't hear them or understand them they raise the decibel level until you can. Human Hertz levels range from 200-3000. 200 being the lowest bassiest human sound. 3000 being the highest Mariah Carey kind of highs. But everyday human conversation usually falls into the 300-1000 range. Now if your hearing is "normal" you begin to hear what could be described an understandable whisper at the 0 -20 level. Yours truly as you can see doesn't BEGIN to hear those whispers them until they get to 50-60 decibels which is the volume at which most people carry on conversations. So your normal conversation is about as understandable as if you were whispering to me.

I walked away still feeling the enormity of my challenges, but I was also a little relieved because I had a better understanding of my disability and what to expect.

And you know it's easy for me to talk about the obstacles I face, but It's also hit home to me that my loved ones must have difficulties as well, when it comes to being a part of my life. I can't imagine how difficult it can be at times for my family and friends. Having to repeat themselves over and over again. And they've never really complained about it. They are learning that they can't turn their backs towards me or try to tell me something from another room. Ned when we first started dated would get hoarse from speaking at a higher volume and repeating himself so much.

That's why for the first time in my life finding the right hearing aid is so important to me, I have to show them that I'm doing all I can to take charge of my situation. And I have to thank them more often when they do the little things they know will make it easier on me to understand them. Like tapping me on the shoulder when they want to get my attention. Repeating themselves when they realize I really didn't understand what they said. Even interpreting for me when in social situations. I know that the extra effort it takes for them to be in my life can't be the easiest of tasks at times. But I'm truly blessed that they take it all in stride.

Wiggle Iggle Friday -The Synthesizer Edition

2009-02-27T08:08:00.000-05:00

Okay so I stumbled upon today's video while looking up another video on MTV.com. It's been so very long since I've actually discovered a band via MTV that peaked my interest like Flosstradamus & "Big Bills". At first I was like "eh" then when the hook kicked in I was like this is actually kinda cool. Perhaps my recent wave of nostalgia for 80's music has clouded my judgement, but I've found myself really digging on this song and really wanting to know more about the band. (I found out they lean techno but In my opinion they should explore creating more songs like this one)

Check it out and please don't forget to share your thoughts. (good or bad) Trust me wait for the hook before you leap to judgement...

Flosstradamus - New Music - More Music Videos

Album Cover

2009-02-25T11:10:00.001-05:00

I've come across this meme from time to time and I have to say it is the most fun. Especially for a music nerd like myself. Please do you own cover and let me know how it turns out.

Album Cover
1 - Go to "wikipedia." Hit “random article” or click http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:Random

The first random wikipedia article you get is the name of your band.

2 - Go to "Random quotations"or click http://www.quotationspage.com/random.php3

The last four or five words of the very last quote of the page is the title of your first album.

3 - Go to flickr and click on “explore the last seven days” or click http://www.flickr.com/explore/interesting/7days

Third picture, no matter what it is, will be your album cover.

4 - Use photoshop or similar to put it all together.

Viola! I swear it works everytime!!

Operation No Mo Black Thumb - Day 3

2009-02-24T09:38:00.005-05:00

Gardening was something my mom enjoyed greatly, growing up I can remember many a spring day spent outside planting flowers. It was really tough to watch her physical limitations force her to give it up. She still does a little nurturing of house plants, but I know she would give anything to be in the yard on a nice spring day tending to her roses. My mom has the greenest thumb there ever was. She can take a dead leaf and turn it into a thriving out of control plant. I swear I've seen it! It's insane. I was just hoping for a little bit of her magic maybe a pastel green thumb? Nope mine is black. I've tried and tried over the years and it's just ended in death. If it's green and relies on me for sustenance it's screwed. But I'm determined to have my garden. I want so badly to be one of those people with the big hats and the beautiful flower garden.

So I've initiated Operation No Mo Black Thumb

My first ~~victim~~ plant, I've affectionately named Edith. Here she is Day 3 and she's still alive!

So far so good. I'm hoping my baby Buddha's will help give her the strength to survive my care.

Wiggle Iggle Friday - Sentimental Style

2009-02-20T08:47:00.003-05:00

Growing up my older and WAYYY cooler cousin Lisa was a huge fan of Duran Duran. I remember looking at this little fanbook she created with clippings from teen magazines. Looking back now that book was probably a huge inspiration behind my own fanzine. I of course had the mad hots for John Taylor. Simon had too much ego for me. I was a sucker for the brooding shy guys. Still am it seems

Recently while catching up on one of my shameful guilty pleasure shows, Nip/Tuck. They brilliantly placed Duran Duran's "Save A Prayer" it just amazed me how well that song fit into the scene. And how relatively timeless the song felt. I laughed about the wave of interest the song has probably gotten. People in their early twenties who will try to figure out who this "new" band is. It doesn't make me feel too old. But it does reinforce the notion that a good pop song can be timeless. And for all their cheesiness at times Duran Duran wrote some mighty good pop songs in their day, Need proof? see Rio, Planet Earth, and the underrated Careless Memories.

Again not a lot of wiggle in this one but it is my firm belief that 80's music could quite possibly be the answer to world peace. I kid.. sort of And you know what? you just can't beat the hook in this one.

What's Next?

2009-02-17T07:56:00.002-05:00

The hubby and I felt this ~~depression~~ reccession brewing awhile back. We talked a lot about it and what it meant for us. At the time things were already tough dealing with reinstating the hubby's disability status & benefits, and me working a job that paid 1/2 of what I was used to. We decided then the best thing to do was to go back to school. The beauty of approaching school as a 32 year old as apposed to being an 18 year old is that you approach it from a place of practicality as apposed to a place of passion. "I'm going to be an English Major with a focus on Romanitic Literature." Not that I have a problem with schooling yourself in the things you love, but I'd be willing to bet that Starbucks coffee you bought this morning was served to you by the proud owner of an BA in English. When you're 32 and approaching school you think more about what the growing job trends are. What is going to be the field that will give me a decent paying job?

When I was a kid, my grandma used to tell me that I should go into the health care business because I had such a good heart and a caring soul. fooled ya! I remember telling her that I could never do it because the site of broken bones or massive amounts of blood make me feel faint. I wasn't too sure at the time what I wanted to do but I knew that wasn't it. Now though as I look over degrees and careers. I'm seriously thinking about it. The baby boom generation is deep in the trenches of senior citizenship and they desperately need to get their health care on.

But despite seeing the great salaries and the huge demand for things like radiologists and physical therapists. I just can't seem to check the box. I find myself gazing longingly at Web Technology Degrees and Graphic Design Programs. There is part of me that knows Grandma was right, I do have the heart for Health Care. But do I have the head? Time and Time again I've learned that in order to be successful at anything you do have to have a passion for it. If I go into Health Care the drive would come more from a need for financial security than from a need to make sick people better.

Last night, I moaned to the hubby about my dilema. He reminded me that even though times are tough, you are always most successful when you do what you truly love. That who knows what tomorrow will bring as far as the economy goes. I may not make the greatest money right away, but because I love it, because I'm passionate about it, I'll find that financial security I want for my family. Eventually.

And I realize that, maybe just maybe that Starbucks barista is currently writing the next great novel. Maybe 2 or 3 years from now they get that editor job they've wanted for so long. Or maybe they realize life wants them to go another route. But Who's to say they won't get there? That they won't find succes?

Maybe it's possible to merge passion AND practicality. My passion for web design and graphic arts is very strong. I've schooled myself above and beyond what I ever imagined possible. But the time has come to really stretch my legs really see how far I can go. Really embrace how successful I can be. The practical side is that technology is an ever growing and ever demanding field. Something even this economic downturn can't stop. I hope to find my place somewhere in the middle.

In the meantime I'm off to admissions...

Wiggle Iggle Friday

2009-02-13T08:50:00.002-05:00

It's been a busy week. Good, but busy and worthy of some pleasant posts Details on my latest shenanigans, tomfooleries, and ballyhoos to come I'm sure you wait with baited breath...rrrright

I stumbled across this great little video from SIA for "Soon We'll Be Found". First of all she has a spectacular voice and I recommend highly that you check her out. PS she also collaborated with Zero 7 on one of my favorite albums-When It Falls. Secondly, she scored some points with me showing the sign language love. Not a lot of wiggle in this one but I think it will put a smile on your face none-the-less. Have a wonderful weekend!

Sia - New Music - More Music Videos

Wiggle Iggle Friday

2009-02-06T13:37:00.001-05:00

Ladies and Gentlemen... a little old school G Love!!

G. Love - New Music - More Music Videos

Show & Tell

2009-02-03T11:49:00.000-05:00

Recently we went on a little adventure to a nearby town called Kinston. We had some friends tell us about the great science museum and downtown area so we figured what the hey... It was a great trip and one we will certainly make again. There was so much to see, do and PHOTOGRAPH.

Kinston Methodist Church (click to enlarge)

Outside the Kinston Arts Council (click to enlarge)

In The Stacks - I Put A Spell On You

2009-02-02T08:59:00.001-05:00

Nina Simone is one of my favorite musicians. Oddly enough I discovered her while watching a very very bad movie. Her music was the best thing about it. I was entranced and soon found myself watching, not to see how the movie progressed, but to see if there would be more of this haunting voice. After I began to school myself in all things Nina I also discovered that she was greatly admired by my beloved Jeff Buckley. In fact Nina was one of the first performers to cover the song Lilac Wine (and Jeff's reason for covering it). Her auto biography "I Put A Spell On You" was something I've meant to pick up many times over the years, but never did until a few weeks ago. It feels strange to say this, but it was an easy read. I'm not quite sure what I expected to learn about her life. I had heard rumblings that much of the book was embellished by Simone, which really makes no difference to me. Who wouldn't bend some truths a little if they were writing an autobiography? I think what shocked me a little were the many many grammatical errors found throughout. I seriously considered writing the publishing company to ask why the hell they let them slip through.

The story of her youth was the most romantic for me. Her parents and siblings, her first love, growing up in North Carolina, Miss Mazzy her first instructor, these chapters had to be my favorites. She was known as such an absolute diva. To learn that she was so insecure and well... needy in so many aspects of her life and so unbelievably strong in others was strangely comforting. I never got the feeling that she wanted my sympathy for all that she had been through. Just that she had most certainly led an extraordinary life, it was simply time to tell the tale. And what a tale it was! Now, would I recommend this book to someone who had never heard of Nina Simone or whom wasn't a fan? No, I most certainly wouldn't. Nina fans respect her diva behavior. We know what place it comes from and how much a part of her music it is. For those that don't know these truths, this book can paint her in an unsavory light (especially her Barbados years and beyond.) I recommend getting to know her music understanding the power of her talent and then read it.

She was an exceptionally gifted pianist, and unforgettable vocalist. And in the end I found this book reignited my love for her music. I gained a new insight to the emotion behind her songs and
it feels like I'm getting to know her music all over again.

Laundry List

2009-01-27T09:10:00.001-05:00

There is so much whirling around my head I hardly no where to begin. Rather than wait for the moment the literary fairies sprinkle their magic dust on me and once again allow me to form a sweet little notion to post I'm just going to rattle off some thoughts of late.

Is it just me or has our new president done more good in his first week than Bush did in 8 years?
I realized today that perhaps for the first time in a very long time. I'm happy with my life, and where it is going. I feel like I'm finally becoming truly productive and pro-active.
Coming to terms with my hearing loss has brought me an incredible inner peace.
Potty Training SUCKS! Pee Pee in the Potty already!!! If you have advice oh please do share!

look for an in the stacks post in the next few days as I just finished a biography about one of my favorite singers and I've got much to say.

Wiggle Iggle Friday Bitches..

2009-01-23T09:23:00.001-05:00

I was reminded last week about the awesome OK GO video for here it goes again . But unless you are a fan and perhaps have the album you may not know about another high-larious video and equally groovy song they did for A Million Ways. Some highlights include nerdy pelvic thrusting at :28 that oddly turned me on.. and some sweet matrix moves at 2:37 . Trust me though it's great stuff all the way through

And since I know that now your going to have to look up that Here It Goes Again Video I thought I'd save you the trip.

Your welcome

It's A New Day!

2009-01-20T08:00:00.002-05:00

1:41pm I've finally calmed down a little, My morning has been full of tears and emotion. I'm just overcome with so many feelings. And his speech oh his speech was just incredible. Here are some of my favorite points.

Forty-four Americans have now taken the presidential oath. The words have been spoken during rising tides of prosperity and the still waters of peace. Yet, every so often the oath is taken amidst gathering clouds and raging storms. At these moments, America has carried on not simply because of the skill or vision of those in high office, but because we the people have remained faithful to the ideals of our forebears, and true to our founding documents.

So it has been. So it must be with this generation of Americans.

On this day, we gather because we have chosen hope over fear, unity of purpose over conflict and discord.

We remain a young nation, but in the words of scripture, the time has come to set aside childish things. The time has come to reaffirm our enduring spirit; to choose our better history; to carry forward that precious gift, that noble idea, passed on from generation to generation: the God-given promise that all are equal, all are free and all deserve a chance to pursue their full measure of happiness.

Now, there are some who question the scale of our ambitions — who suggest that our system cannot tolerate too many big plans. Their memories are short. For they have forgotten what this country has already done; what free men and women can achieve when imagination is joined to common purpose, and necessity to courage.

As for our common defense, we reject as false the choice between our safety and our ideals. Our founding fathers, faced with perils we can scarcely imagine, drafted a charter to assure the rule of law and the rights of man, a charter expanded by the blood of generations. Those ideals still light the world, and we will not give them up for expedience's sake. And so to all other peoples and governments who are watching today, from the grandest capitals to the small village where my father was born: know that America is a friend of each nation and every man, woman, and child who seeks a future of peace and dignity, and that we are ready to lead once more.

Recall that earlier generations faced down fascism and communism not just with missiles and tanks, but with sturdy alliances and enduring convictions. They understood that our power alone cannot protect us, nor does it entitle us to do as we please. Instead, they knew that our power grows through its prudent use; our security emanates from the justness of our cause, the force of our example, the tempering qualities of humility and restraint.

For we know that our patchwork heritage is a strength, not a weakness. We are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus — and non-believers. We are shaped by every language and culture, drawn from every end of this Earth; and because we have tasted the bitter swill of civil war and segregation, and emerged from that dark chapter stronger and more united, we cannot help but believe that the old hatreds shall someday pass; that the lines of tribe shall soon dissolve; that as the world grows smaller, our common humanity shall reveal itself; and that America must play its role in ushering in a new era of peace.

To those leaders around the globe who seek to sow conflict, or blame their society's ills on the West — know that your people will judge you on what you can build, not what you destroy.

For as much as government can do and must do, it is ultimately the faith and determination of the American people upon which this nation relies. It is the kindness to take in a stranger when the levees break, the selflessness of workers who would rather cut their hours than see a friend lose their job which sees us through our darkest hours.

So let us mark this day with remembrance, of who we are and how far we have traveled. In the year of America's birth, in the coldest of months, a small band of patriots huddled by dying campfires on the shores of an icy river. The capital was abandoned. The enemy was advancing. The snow was stained with blood. At a moment when the outcome of our revolution was most in doubt, the father of our nation ordered these words be read to the people:

"Let it be told to the future world ... that in the depth of winter, when nothing but hope and virtue could survive...that the city and the country, alarmed at one common danger, came forth to meet (it)."

America, in the face of our common dangers, in this winter of our hardship, let us remember these timeless words. With hope and virtue, let us brave once more the icy currents, and endure what storms may come. Let it be said by our children's children that when we were tested we refused to let this journey end, that we did not turn back nor did we falter; and with eyes fixed on the horizon and God's grace upon us, we carried forth that great gift of freedom and delivered it safely to future generations.

........................................................................................................................................

Here is the first of many things I will post today! Happy Inauguration Day!!
(big thanks to Angie for sharing this one first on Pebbles)

The Beginning Of Greatness.

2009-01-19T08:31:00.000-05:00

The next few days are going to be tremendously emotional for me and the rest of my country. For the rest of my life I know I will view these past 8 years as the darkest my generation has ever seen perhaps some of the darkest in the history of my country. But these past 8 years are also a shining example of how we can never become complacent. The minute we become lazy, the moment we forget that this is OUR country, the moment we forget that ours is a government for the people, by the people. We allow evil, bigotry, and greed to speak for us.
I feel deep in my heart and soul that this is the eve of what will be the golden era that of which our nation has never seen. Not since its creation have you seen such involvement so many of our citizens saying and believing that they count, that they are responsible for our success or our failure. Not capitol hill, not the white house, OUR voices are the ones that matter. And no greater example can be seen than in the election of Barack Obama. This nation after so many dark days is full of hope, ready to do the work that needs to be done to create the future we deserve. It makes me feel so lucky to be alive to see so many dreams become reality.

I'm so relieved that such a dark chapter is being closed. Apprehensive about the ultimate revelation of the deeply guarded secrets of the bush administration in the years to come. But all of that is just overcome with this feeling of hope and pride that's been lost to me for so long. Hope that we really can create a better day for ourselves and our children. Hope that we can begin to heal and learn. A pride in my country, a deep pride for the MILLIONS of my fellow citizens that are now and for the rest of their lives INVOLVED in their government. Millions that have begun to look at this whole country, as their community. They now understand that it's so much more than what goes on in our neighborhoods we have to care about every single American neighborhood, every American citizen.

I've also thought a lot about what it was that Dr King witnessed when he saw the promised land. Could he have ever imagined a moment like Tuesday, January 20 2009? Could any of those millions of people that stood beside him have imagined a moment such as this? I feel so lucky to be to be a part of this place in history.

So many generations ago, American citizens felt such a deep connection with their president. Pictures were not just found in federal buildings but in schools and homes. Frankly for a time I thought such displays of presidential pride were foolish. I realize now that I was the foolish one, it was only because I never knew what that connection felt like, until now. I feel so lucky to have the kind of pride that I thought was lost generations ago.

The memory of the Joy I will feel on Tuesday, as I watch MY president's inauguration with my daughter, will stay with me for years to come. I am hopeful now that maybe I really can leave this world a better place for her. I feel blessed that she will now grow up in time when she will truly know that anything is possible. That no matter how tough things may seem today, no matter how impossible the odds. The battle can be so long but as long as we keep fighting we can and will overcome.

Wiggle Iggle Friday

2009-01-16T09:45:00.004-05:00

Check out this version of Amy Winehouse's - Valerie by Mark Ronson very swinging... and kind of funny that they make fun of her "no show" behavior.

&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;a href="http://www.joost.com/135bg9e/t/Mark-Ronson-featuring-Amy-Winehouse-Valerie"&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;Mark Ronson featuring Amy Winehouse - Valerie&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;/a&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;

Show & Tell

2009-01-14T19:42:00.001-05:00

One of my resolutions is to be more aggressive about pursing my photography. For too long I've told myself I'll stop later to take pictures of a notable place only to miss opportunity after opportunity.

To take or pick up Stella from Mr & Mrs Drama's I have to drive through some VERY rural areas. For the longest time I've had several spots that I've wanted to stop and shoot. I've finally begun marking a few off my list. If you want to see larger views just double click the photo.

You Won't Believe What Happened To Me At Ladies Night...

2009-01-13T23:03:00.005-05:00

The other night I was ordered out of the house by the hubby and my new dear friend Dez. See they think I work too much, I do too much for everyone else BUT myself. Pshaw whatever gave them that idea I don't know.

I found myself enjoying a little ladies night and having a great time. What made it so great was that at different points in the night I found myself having some incredible conversations with some amazing women. Made all the more interesting because I found myself having one on one conversations that strangely enough ended up with familiar themes. The first part of the evening was spent talking about just how nurturing women can be especially in times of struggle. How complete strangers can swoop in to save the day even in our darkest hour as it did for one woman I spoke with who is going through breast cancer treatment. Later on I had a conversation with a friend about self worth and how sometimes it can be so difficult to feel your a worthy recipient of a good deed.

Things came full circle when I talked with Jamie about how I had to say goodbye to a friendship recently. That life no matter how hard I've fought it has just pulled me in a very opposite direction. That no matter how much either of us wanted things to be different it just became too painful as we were constantly hurting one another. She told me about how there are people who are in our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. As intense as connections may be they always have a purpose and sometimes that purpose runs it's course. It was an expression I had never heard articulated so well, and I thought it was just lovely. Just like Jamie.

The next day I opened my e-mail to find a friendly forward from my friend Melissa's mom and it read.

People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.

When you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do.

When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend, and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrong -doing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up or out and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and it is now time to move on.

When people come into your life for a SEASON, it is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They may bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; those things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person/people (anyway); and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant. Thank you for being a part of my life

It's amazing how magical life can be sometimes isnt' it?

My Favorite Things (of late)

2009-01-12T23:03:00.004-05:00

I'm a simple kind of girl and I tend to gain great pleasure out of the little things. Last week I discovered an even better version of my favorite chai tea. The Stash - double spiced chai. This is an outrageously cheap way to get delicious chai whenever you want did I also mention that you also enjoy 1/100th of the calories of a starbucks chai. Pick it up immediately if you are a chai fan. Make sure to get the DOUBLE spiced. Letters of thanks can be sent too...

Also as the insanely cold winter weather starts to settle in so do the thermostat wars at my house. Ned likes to keep things a hair or two below freezing and well I like to be warm you know like a normal person. But he has a point when rants and raves about not giving our money to the electric company so It can be better spent on more important things like chai and sushi. Recently I picked myself up a pair of fingerless gloves and oh my do I love them. I mean seriously folks these things have been a godsend.

this is a stunt hand I wish I had fantastic fingers like that..

Granted I look like a hobo with my wool socks, fleece robe, multi layer shirts, gloves and sometimes a toboggin or scarf. Yeah did I mention I get cold very easily? But hey I've never been toastier. Now If I can only convince the hubby that I'm still attractive when I look like this then we'll really be cooking with crisco. where the hell did that come from?

And let me tell you, with the many hours my ass has been glued to this very chair in front of this very computer for one work related reason or the other this week, the odd zen these little things bring have been oh so welcome. ommmmmm-chaiiiiiiii

Wiggle Iggle Friday

2009-01-09T09:32:00.001-05:00

There are many reasons I love the site allmusic.com one of which is that the artist suggestions are so right on. Recently I discovered Leon Jean-Marie's ~ Bring It On. This is quite the funky booty twitcher. Check him out.. this one is just the tip of the iceberg.

Watch more MySpace videos on AOL Video

Attack of the 3 foot Insomniac

2009-01-08T13:34:00.004-05:00

This morning at the buttcrack of dawn I realized that it's been almost a month now since I've had more than 4 continuous hours of sleep. Recently Stella has become quite the insomniac. She usually goes down around 8pm on a good night. Sometimes it's 9 or 10 before she actually you know goes to sleep!! But starting at midnight she's up every 2 hours. Most of the time I'm so sweetly awakened by her freakishly strong arms shoving me and her yelling "WAKE UP MOMMY.... WAAAAAAKE UP!" Sometimes I awaken to her playing in the sink in the bathroom. or better yet shuffling through the liquor cabinet as documented here.

Childproof my ass!!

Perhaps it's penance. She slept through the night for almost two years straight. I know...I know I'm lucky I got that much... But we can't figure out what to do. Is it a phase? The ringing in of the tumultuous threes? She has a routine; jammies, clean room, teeth brushing, a book, kisses from daddy then goodnight. We are hoping that it's the milk she drinks just before bed. Hoping that if we black out the window by her bed that somehow someway she'll sleep through the night again.

Either way when she's a teen and tries to sleep in on the weekend as they ALL eventually do you bet your sweet ass I'm busting into her room at 6am "WAKE UP STELLA!! WAAAAAKE UP" Maybe throw in an air horn for good measure.

Adventures in Photoshoping-A Day At The Park

2009-01-07T07:17:00.006-05:00

Oh actions how I love thee...let me count the ways....

Papa Can You Hear Me?

2009-01-06T08:59:00.002-05:00

I believe my hearing problem began when I was in my Teens, although it was probably progressive long before then. Part of it was due to my insatiable love for live shows but most of it was due to genetics. My teens were filled with “she only hears what she wants to hear” or “she has selective hearing” My mom thought that it was teenage rebellion when in fact my hearing was deteriorating. I have what is referred to as “reverse slope” hearing loss. In a nutshell I can hear high frequency sounds such as birds chirping, sirens, insects but I cannot hear low frequency sounds, such as appliances, and most importantly baseline levels of human speech. What’s so odd about it is that I might completely understand someone who is 8 ft away and for the life of me not understand a word your saying when your standing in front of me. Hence why it comes off as “selective”. Imagine this… there are people with reverse slope hearing loss that can’t hear thunder but yet they can hear a bird chirp a block away. That will be me in a few years my friends. Crazy isn’t it?

I used to say that my hearing loss is the one dependable thing that my biological dad (Russell) gave me. Thanks Genetics! After becoming a parent, I’ve realized that Russell isn’t really a BAD guy, He never beat me or my mom. And he was never verbally mean to me.He just made bad choices, he didn’t know how to be a dad, he didn’t know how to be present, he didn’t know how to live in the real world.

I saw Russell very rarely a few days in the summer and on the holidays. He never called me when I was a kid, when we would make plans something would always come up, work or car trouble. When I would visit we would watch movies or I would watch him work on his car. Talking was always awkward. One thing that was always certain was that he could not hear well at all. Even now he has aids in both ears and he has on a good day maybe 25% of his hearing.

Recently I picked up this book on hearing loss, ‘Hearing Loss & Hearing Aids A Bridge To Healing’. It’s made me realize that a lot of what’s been funky with me lately is due to me not being realistic and proactive about my increasingly severe hearing loss. This book points out that social phobias and emotional problems commonly develop as a result of untreated hearing loss.Things like increased anger (check), frustration(check), paranoia(check), insecurity(check), instability, nervousness(check), tension(check), anxiety(check), irritability(check), discontentment(check), depression(check), fearful(check), and lack of focus(check). You get the idea.

But Then I read the following:
“It’s been said that uncorrected hearing loss is more noticeable than hearing aids because the act of concealing a hearing loss is doomed to fail.It can make a person appear foolish, inattentive, disinterested, confused, senile, or mentally challenged.”

I felt my world all at once come undone then back together again.

See, a few years ago after Russell’s dad passed away,I found myself connecting with my uncle Steve, he is a great man that reminds me so much of my grandmother, who I was incredibly close with. He told me that when he was a kid my grandparents had quite the time with Russell.That it got so bad that they sent him to a mental institution for a year (for what exactly only Russell knows).“He was lost in his own world, and had no interest in being with us, he never paid attention.”His inability to socialize his anxiety problems led me to believe that perhaps it was that Russell was a functioning autistic. But this passage made me see it all so clearly.

Imagine growing up in the 60’s, a time when most deaf and hearing-impaired kids were sent to institutions and considered mentally retarded because they couldn’t speak properly. I’m sure that my grandparents never considered the fact that Russell had a severe hearing impairment, as he spoke perfectly normal. (The tricky thing with reverse slope hearing loss is that it can go untreated in children because they have perfectly normal speech thanks to the fact that they can hear high-frequency consonants such as “s,” “f,” “sh,” “ch,” “t,” and “th.”) This meant that children like Russell were diagnosed with other problems as apposed to having a hearing impairment. Of course Russell had emotional problems but they were due to his severe hearing loss. For years he was told he was stupid or retarded when really the root of his problem was his hearing. I don’t think that Russell wore hearing aids until he was in his 40’s. Imagine how messed up a person can become with 30 years of the incredible isolation unchecked deafness can bring. Most of my anger and frustration came from never understanding Russell and why he did the things he did. Why he made the choices he did. This revelation has made me look at him in a whole new light.

But perhaps now for the first time in my life I’ve found some kind of footing of understanding. Does it mean that I can erase the past and we can be father and daughter again? No. Does it mean that I can quite possibly have a healthy relationship with him? Maybe. Can I trust him enough to make him a constant part of my life? That I don’t think can ever happen. But I do know for the first time since I was a kid.I want to talk to him. And for the first time since I was a kid,I’m not angry or apprehensive about it.

There is so much just spinning in my head about this.So much just going click, click, click. I’ve gained a new understanding of my current situation and myself. And for the first time ever I finally have an insight into my father. It’s taken me years to get here and the speed to which everything is happening is making my head spin. I’m as close to peace, with regards to this aspect of my life, than I have ever been. I only hope that I can get it all out before it explodes.

New Year New Delights...

2009-01-05T08:37:00.006-05:00

Okay so as it goes with the welcoming of a New Year, I'm in RE mode. Re-solution, Re-organize, Re-prioritize, Re-think well you get the idea. I've got some great ideas in the works for this blog. So look for some changes in the coming weeks. Obviously I've changed the look. And Wiggle Iggle Friday kicks back into high gear this Friday (suggestions are always welcome by the way). I'm also going to be making In The Stacks post more frequently and I'm going to be posting more photos as well, in the hopes I can get some feedback. Ned's "eh that doesn't suck" responses to them just aren't cutting it. And well you can look forward to more posts in general. insert sarcastic "yay" here

Seriously though, I've realized just how therapeutic this blog has been for me this past year. The people I have met, the things I have learned have really been instrumental in helping me grow. I have a new perspective about the things I want to say and the things I want to share with you.

I know I don't say it enough but, thanks for listening, thanks for being part of my life. no matter how quiet you may be in the comments.

So let the games begin...

If you tell my Dad I wrote this... I'll have to kill you.

2008-12-20T00:34:00.003-05:00

My father is OBSESSED with Elvis Presley. The man is god incarnate in my dads eyes. Elvis was on in our house ad nauseum when I was a kid. I was tortured repeatedly with first the VHS copy then the fancy schmancy DVD version of "Elvis Aloha from Hawaii" Concert Special on a weekly basis growing up. How did I rebel? Why I became a hardcore Beatles fan thank you.

Oh and did I mention on a recent return trip to Memphis my dad spent 8 hours touring Graceland...8 mother freakin hours my friends TWO days in a row.

By now you're probably saying "Frances we get it... but what's your point?" Well when it comes to the holidays somehow someway Elvis wormed his way into my favorite holiday songs. Try as I might to fight it, this one song just get's me all warm and fuzzy inside. Bringing back memories of my dad popping on one of Elvis' gazillion Christmas albums while The Baby Bro and I decorated the X-mas Tree.

I'll be sure to see a doctor about this serious illness after the holidays.

Let the holiday traditions begin.

2008-12-08T22:36:00.003-05:00

We are nuts about the holidays...not in the spiritual sense but in the "hey lets light out house up so they can see us from space" sense. Last year we had two count em two x-mas trees. The spirit of Santa and giving is full force in our place this time of year. We have lots of old traditions from our youths and some that we have begun for Stella. One has to be movies. There are certain television shows and movies that are one perpetual repeat this time of year. For Ned it's the Christmas Story. For me it's How the Grinch Stole Christmas (animation-no Jim Carrey thank you) & Rudolf the Red Nosed Reindeer. But two years ago my friend Melissa introduced to me the magic that is "Love Actually" this movie is just the sweetest and delightfully magical holiday movie. You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll hug and kiss on anyone that's within a 50 mile radius after watching it. It quite frankly has settled effortlessly into my holiday tradition. (Ned? well he'll come around after a few hundred times of being forced to watch it) But I don't care. I dare you to not get a little giddy when you watch this.

P.S. the boxes are almost all unpacked I'll start posting more frequently in the coming days.

Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes...

2008-11-17T22:10:00.008-05:00

To say that the last three years living in the middle of nowhere, in the heart of redneck USA, has been difficult would be a serious understatement. We settled in this small town with a population under 1,000 because of it's affordable housing and easy commute. While we always knew the move here would be temporary, and despite our endless efforts to make the best of it, each week became a little more difficult to stomach. Dealing with religious zealotry, bigotry, racism, classism, and gossip did quite the number on us. The one beacon of hope was the little house we found our refuge in. This place we truly made a warm and loving home. This was the place we welcomed our daughter home to. The place she took her first steps in, the place we set up our first Christmas tree as a family. This house is filled to the rafters with memories of laughter, love, and tears. And we will miss it always, but it's time to go.

Recently the stars aligned and fate has opened a new door for us. Or perhaps I should say that we have truly begun to brick our own path in life. All three of us are at long last able to jump into the real world again. Our next location was going to be Ned's choice (he twice moved to towns of my choosing, thanks to my radio career) We had a few places in mind, Charlottesville-Virginia, Asheville-NC, and Orono-Maine. All quite a distance from my family particularly my mom. Some who have been in similar motherly situations would say "that's not far enough for me" But when my mother had her nervous breakdown and her counselor asked what it was that brought her happiness. She said she could think of only one thing, and that was Stella. (not her own two children by the way). It's been awhile since then but I know that sentiment rings true today. After much consideration, much soul searching we realized that a few more years near them could be tolerable if we just found a town we liked.

Enter Greenville. We had begun choosing Greenville as our "big city" destination when we needed more than just what our local grocery store could provide. One day while driving home Ned tells me "why don't we move to Greenville?" After much research it seemed like a great choice. Home to a respectable university(good public schools), Mass Transit system, Museums, Parks, Recreation, a respected Hospital, and Pizza Delivery! (yes we live in a town with no food delivery service - OH THE HORROR) Obviously we became as educated as possible on the pros and cons of moving to Greenville. No way in hell we were going to make the same mistake again.

And since making this decision EVERYTHING has fallen right into place. The fates are giving us constant high fives on our choice. After getting back from my best friend's wedding in Florida. We dove into finding a place. I make a few house viewing appointments and send Ned to Greenville to check out a few places on Wednesday. I get a call from him after he looked at the first house. "I'm not feeling this house, but let me tell you the landlord is awesome, she's driving me to see two other houses. I'll call you later" about twenty minutes later "call and cancel those other appointments, I think I found the one...or maybe two, and have I told you how awesome Melissa is?"

He comes home full of excitement. With a grin that I thought was stifled by our small town long ago. He tells me all about Melissa and her husband Randy. Tells me how they too are cancer survivors. That she loves real beer (Ned's a bit of a beer snob) That he has a sneaking suspicion that they are dead heads (serious points in Ned's book) He loves them and he loves the two houses he wants to show me on Friday before we enjoy a few beers with Melissa at the bar thats just a few blocks away (what this isn't a dry county?? seriously we're in heaven!).

Friday can't come soon enough, He and I take the trip down and I meet Melissa, I'm instantly at ease as it feels like we are meeting an old friend. She shows us this great little place (the first one Ned saw) and while standing in the kitchen Melissa starts to talk politics and I seriously want to kiss her but I figured it's our first date I don't want to scare her off.

We see the last two, the ones that Ned likes. They both have all the personality I love in an old house. And best part about it they are in Melissa's neighborhood. Out of the two there was one that just seemed so right for us.

With this great little front room with a mantle and old fireplace.

A large inviting dining room (perfect for our many upcoming dinners amongst our new friends)

with a beautiful french door leading to the kitchen that's so sweetly vintage.

And the perfect room for my studio - the only room in the house with carpeting.

After choosing a house, Melissa takes us to Ham's where much to our delight most of our neighbors are hanging out. Ned and I must have looked like total dorks as we were smiling like a bunch of jackasses. Meeting these great people just made us more certain that our moving choice was the right one, all across the board. Here were some particular highlights of the evening.

*Ned discovered his new favorite game "Cornhole". (seriously he can't wait to play it again) It's kind of like horseshoes for drunks.

* I made a new BFF in the wonderment that is Jamie, any woman who says things like "acrobatic nipples" is my kind of people. Seriously folks I see lot's of crazy stories involving Ms Jamie and I in the future.

*Our new friends Melissa & Randy are some amazingly cool people. We very much look forward to getting to know them.

*After living next to a 93 year old lady for the past three years I forgot what it was like to live next to kindred spirits, to be around like minded people, to be able to laugh and speak our minds and not worry about a damn thing. This is perhaps THE thing that excites us the most about this move.

So the past few days has been a whirlwind of bubble wrap and liquor store boxes. I'm scared, excited, nervous, and relieved. Most of all I feel happy. Hello old friend it's been awhile.

Wiggle-Iggle Friday

2008-11-14T09:17:00.003-05:00

Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you Ben Folds Five's - Army, this song is fun on a stick! And the best song I've ever heard performed live

Ben Folds - New Music - More Music Videos

Big Al's Jerk You Around Auto Repair

2008-11-13T14:26:00.005-05:00

I grew up around cars. My uncles worked on them one way or another every weekend I can remember. My grandfather when I was 15 and about to recieve my learners permit, taught me how to change a tire. He told me that I shouldn't always count on the kindness of strangers or that someone would be close by to help. I'll never forget what my grandad and my uncles taught me about cars. More often than not I can identify what's wrong with a car by certain sounds, shimmies or shakes. Now while I never learned how to fix these things I've had enough cars in my life that have taught me more than most.

Before I left for Florida I had noticed that our Trooper had started to shimmy a little. A classic sign that the Tires were going bad. We have much larger tires than I am used to and upon inspection I didn't see any real damage going on. Which made me worry that it was something more serious.

Finally we took it into a local shop that thanks to many conversations with the owner we felt confident that he would fix her right up. It took this guy 5 days and $111 in labor before he told me that it was the front differential and that he didn't have the tools to fix it. He also had the balls to tell me that he tried to open the differential housing using inappropriate tools in the hopes he could fix it. So let me get this straight there are special tools for an Izuzu Trooper. You are the owner and the orderer of tools, why the hell couldn't you tell me when it rolled in. "I wish I could but I just don't have what I need to work on a foreign car" instead of waiting 5 mother effin days. So I do a little research and find a guy with some good reviews one town over. I get the Trooper towed and this guys calls to say hell no it's not the differential but.... wait for it. THE TIRES! I explain to him that I have a rental car and time is beacoup money he says he understands and that he has ordered the tires and it will be ready by "tommorrow after lunch" I go to bed thinking FINALLY we found a good one.

So it's now 2:35pm and I call and the guy that's been doing the work is out to lunch. I find out that my tires did not "come in on the truck" and that it will be FRIDAY before they can get the tires I need. Yeah, needless to say I'm a little upset, needless to say I'm ready to kick some greasy mechanic butt.

Sad thing is last night we were ready to go out of our way to give this guy more of our business. If he was a kosher as he seemed to be we were going to stick with him despite the would be hour commute to his location.

I want to believe there are good mechanics, guys who aren't about jacking up prices and leaving your car a little worse so you'll have to come back. Mechanics that really understand that you need to be back on the road as soon as possible. But in two days I've dealt with two nightmare mechanics. And the past two before that have been just as horrible. It seems to me that if they just realized that if they gave their customer reliable, efficent service we'd be back over and over. Why do they insist on squeezing every dime they can out of you? For some they have to sacrifice their cars because of enormous bills. (The reason you should run if you see an Auto Shop with tons of cars parked around it.)

It never ceases to amaze me, the fact that such sleazy practices continue to run rampant. That's why I hope to teach Stella more than I know about a car. To teach her how to change a tire. Perhaps she can then walk into a shop and say you need to fix this no if and's or butts. She will know all too well that 9 out of 10 mechanics are complete douches out to pull a fast one.

2008-11-12T10:27:00.005-05:00

My leaving for Florida was quite the whirlwind made all the more hectic as we are smack dab in the middle of moving. 2 nights before I was supposed to leave my amazing hubby walked into the office and laid this before me

Yes that's right, that WAS me you heard screaming. This, ladies and gents is my very first DSLR camera. And for so many reasons this is just one amazing camera. But most of all because thanks to my incredibly thoughtful and supportive hubby (I know, I know, enough with the gushing already geeze!) I was able to capture shots like this.

I come from a line of VERY artistic people and for the longest time I felt like I somehow got the short end of the stick. I can't tell you how many times I've picked up a paintbrush or a sketch pad in the hopes that whatever was stirring inside of me could find it's way out. Only to be left sorely disappointed in my abilities.

But in the past year I've really started to embrace photography and I've walked away after certain shots feeling the way my grandfather talked about his art. There are now photography projects milling around in my head and they grow by the day. There was a time when I would have swept the way my new "hobby" makes me feel, under the rug. I would have found all the excuses in the world not to pursue it. I would have let my fear of failure get the best of me. But it's too late... the deep underground well has been tapped and there is no turning it off now.

This brings me so much joy so much fulfillment. And for too long now I've pushed those needs aside. And I know I'm not alone. So many of us for whatever reason never pursue the things that bring us personal joy and fulfillment. We don't pursue them with the proper vigor they are due. And why is that? We bust our asses for work or family but we never give ourselves the same amount of attention. When really, it our selves should get the most attention. Because when we are fulfilled, when we make ourselves happy, everything else seems to fall into place that much easier. What about you? What is that little thing that you enjoy doing so much but never give it the time an energy it deserves?

How's about a Quickie?

2008-11-11T13:03:00.002-05:00

It is so true the saying that you need a vacation from the vacation. I'm back and hugging and kissing the little one profusely (ENOUGH mommy Dayum!) But here are some thoughts of late.

*I'm a horrible flyer. all the passengers in my zone are angels for putting up with me on 4 flights. With mad love going out to June who held my hand during some of the worst turbulence I've ever experienced.

*I love making new friends and I made some AMAZING ones this weekend. It was unforgettable.

* I love catching up with old friends. The mark of a truly good friend is when you haven't been physically near them for years and it feels as though you saw them yesterday.

*Rental Cars ROCK

*Mechanics suck!!! Charge me $110 after 5 days of having my car only to say "yeah I don't have the tools to fix it" FUCK YOU!!

*But there is nothing like coming home, and crawling into bed with your best friend and waking up to your kid's beautiful face.

Mommy's Coming Home!

2008-11-10T17:34:00.001-05:00

I'm pre-posting this but I know by Monday.. I'm going to be absolutely sick from missing my dear sweet Stella and my amazing hubby. I'm coming home babies!

Mommy's on Vacay Wiggle Iggle Marathon

2008-11-09T05:32:00.000-05:00

Wednesday nights in Gainesville were reserved exclusively for Karoke. And like clockwork on karoke night (and after about 3 shots) Melissa would demand that we sing this song.

Freddy does it so much better than I.

Mommy's on Vacay Wiggle Iggle Marathon

2008-11-08T05:25:00.000-05:00

Gainesville will always hold a special place in my heart. It's the place where I really came into my own in so many ways. And like most important moments in my life there's always a soundtrack.

While in Gainesville I discovered Coldplay. Their debut album Parachutes will always be a top ten. Everytime I hear this song I'm absolutely transported. I remember friends, lovers, moments that will keep me warm all the days of my life.

Coldplay - New Music - More Music Videos

Wiggle Iggle Friday

2008-11-07T13:37:00.000-05:00

Oh my dear Matthew how I loved thee. I've been singing this song in my head non-stop the past few days. Girlfriend has to be one of my top 10 desert island CD's ... Hmm I feel another post coming on.

Lookin' to the Sky

2008-11-06T05:18:00.000-05:00

I'm off to Florida for the weekend to attend the wedding of one of my bestus friends and get some quality time with my baby brother

I'm an anxious flyer but I just look at it as another excuse to drink.

Look for all the details beginning Tuesday.. until then I'll leave you with a Wiggle-Iggle Mommy's on Vacay Marathon!

Foo Fighters - New Music - More Music Videos

2008-11-05T00:24:00.001-05:00

Thank You America...
This has been one of the most magical moments of my life.

Why Women Should Vote

2008-11-04T10:44:00.002-05:00

This started out as a typical post and then took on a life of it's own.

For cryin' out loud!!

2008-11-03T19:04:00.003-05:00

I wish you could hear the messages dear old mom leaves me.
It's important that you read the following as if you are laying on the floor completely wiped from exhaustion.

Beep:
Hhhhhhello is anyone there? HELLLLLOO. Fine I guess no one wants to talk to me. That's okay I just wanted to talk to MY BABY (not her actual baby but her granddaughter) I would tell you to call me back but I know you won't. I just wanted to make sure you were still alive. Don't worry about me HELLLLO?

For the love of god I talked to her TWO DAYS AGO!! and nine times out of ten I'm either running after stella because she has something she's not supposed to and she thinks it's hilarious when I tell her NOO! or PUT THAT DOWN RIGHT NOW! or I'm cleaning her stinky ass. So yeah I'm going to have to miss that call.

Halloween Scenes

2008-11-02T12:50:00.008-05:00

In our household Halloween is taken VERY seriously. Often Ned and I can be heard contemplating costumes year round. Next to Christmas Halloween is our favorite holiday. Much to our incredible satisfaction Stella seems to enjoy it as well. Pointing out pumpkins and monsters. And It didn't take her long before she had the whole "Trick or Treat" thing down. Of course she upon receiving said candy she would immediately dig into her bucket in the hopes that she might be able to sneak a piece. But mommy and daddy ever the party poopers had to "take out the unsafe candy" wink wink first. Here are some highlights.

Arrgh! give me yur CANDY you filthy bilge rat!

Give Me My Vote Bitches!

It was disturbing for me to discover how many people (especially young girls) who had no Idea what I was.

Mr. Ned was Ned Kelly and had so much fun with this costume he very well may be Ned Kelly For the next couple of years.

Sucker

2008-11-01T04:39:00.004-04:00

So I've decided to take the proverbial plunge. I've read a lot about NaBloPoMo and I think it might be a welcome challenge. Besides it seems to be a right of passage for many of the bloggers I love. I figured why not give it a shot? So everyday for the month of November you're guaranteed a little strange delight. Yeah, try to contain your excitement.

On a side note Halloween oh so much fun! Look for some pics tomorrow - hey I have to stretch it out I've got 29 days left ya know.

Wiggle Iggle Friday Halloween Edition

2008-10-31T03:32:00.000-04:00

Perhaps my favorite holiday I Love all things Halloweeny. I hope you have a blast. Here are some great songs to get you all spooked out and ready for the nights festivities.

A little Jon Spencer Blues Explosion...

The Specials - Ghost Town

Nine Inch Nails - Perfect Drug... *sigh* even after all these years Trent Reznor makes me want to slide on the gloves and give him a good spanking. Wait did I say that out loud?

Okay and maybe a little creeped out as well. Bwahahahahahahahahahaha!

What's your Sign

2008-10-29T02:40:00.005-04:00

Recently Kelly, Ned's Best Friend came down for a visit with her ridiculously awesome son Noah. I always love her visits and just love watching Stella and Noah play. Yes I harbor secret fantasies that Stella & Noah will fall in love when they get older. How sweet would that be?! I mean look at them!

But I digress.

Kelly is a warm, funny & mystical person. She is without a doubt the epitome of an Earth Mother. She's also a firm believer in the power of our astrological signs. She like Stella is a Pisces, and it was really interesting to hear her point out certain attributes that Stella already possesses. A love of nature (especially water), understanding, artistic, LOVING, Intuitive.

I thought what an interesting way to make sure I nurture Stella the best I can? I know all about my sign (Taurus) and I know very well that much of my personality falls in line with Taurus traits. The same is very true for Stella. I've learned that Pisces people are very creative and very intelligent. Here are some examples

Sidney Poitier - Anais Nin (AWESOME!)- George Harrison -W.H. Auden - Johnny Cash - Nicolaus Copernicus - Dr. Suess - Jean Harlow - Jane Goodall -Jack Kerouac - Albert Einstein (they actually share the same birthday)- Ruth Bader Ginsburg

I've learned that Pisces children strive when their creativity is nurtured (that's true for all children). They are imaginative and stubborn. Pisces love poetry and the arts, they love to read, they love to constantly be in touch with nature. And they LOVE the water & animals.

Yeah..total Pisces

Wiggle Iggle Friday Do Over

2008-10-24T17:45:00.000-04:00

Awhile back I tried to share this deliciously funky song from the deliciously hot Citizen Cope but was denied thank the greedy little record companies for that.. Well thanks to my recent discovery of embedding capabilities via MTV.com I can finally share this one with you.

Enjoy

30 Days - Day 7

2008-10-23T22:58:00.004-04:00

So last Friday I talked about my desire to begin the journey to a better me. A happier me. See Here. Oh What a week it has been my friends. First I have to give a huge shout out to my fantabulous friend Martha over at Surviving Baby who decided there was strength in numbers and created her own 30 day list.

Let me tell you this has been one of the most revolutionary weeks of my life. The things that I have learned about myself. The choices that I have made this week. I can't tell you how right it all feels. I feel as though for the first time in my life, each step I take is in the right direction. The crazy thing is, I'm still just beginning. The pieces of the puzzle are far from being in place. But every day that I commit myself to this change leaves me feeling better than the last. And every day I learn one more little lesson, I move a little further towards my happiness, to feeling that each and every moment I'm here is not wasted.

All of this because I made 5 little changes. Because I sat down and began to read a little book that I've had for almost 10 years but never gave it the attention it deserved until now. It really has shown me so much. It's put so much in perspective. For example. What do you do on a daily basis that makes you truly happy? (kids don't count in this exercise) What purposeful actions do you make in your day to day life that when you walk away leave you feeling good? That make your soul feel that much better? I've realized that many of the things I typically did "for me" on a day to day basis brought absolutely nothing to my life. I've learned that before I can ever hope to be successful on any higher level in my life. I've got to make the time every day to do the things that make my soul happy. That bring joy (no matter how big or small) into my life. Whether it's 15 minutes here 20 minutes there I have to devote an hour out of my day to my own happiness. Just doing this the past few days has helped me more productive more focused. It makes me feel less afraid.

Frankly I look forward to every second of the next 23 days. To see where I'm going to be tomorrow, next week, Next month. To watch myself become the person I want to be. To be the best example I can be for my daughter who is and always will be my greatest inspiration.

A few days in I found myself amending my list a little (but in a good way).

1. I will not visit Perez Hilton or People.com-this particular task has been surprisingly easy for me maybe because I've been too busy otherwise to care about it.

2.I will each night create a to do list for the next day with 5 tasks to complete that I would normally avoid. I will not rest until each of those tasks have been completed. -this one a bit tougher, I try to make each item an realistic one.

3.I will wear some degree of make-up and style my hair for no reason at all. -I've found a strange inner power from doing this. And oddly it's only been from a barrette, lip gloss and a little eyeliner.

4.I will read a minimum of 20 pages in a book. -this has quickly become a must do in my life. Right up there with brushing my teeth and I freakin' love it.

5. Every time I walk out of a room I will leave it better than I arrived. (put something away, pick up or organize) -I've made it a game and I've actually felt better about myself since doing this.

Anybody else want to join Martha and I? 5 things 30 days I know you can do it. And you'll be glad you did.

BUCK-le UP

2008-10-20T00:16:00.000-04:00

Parenthood is full of crazy twists and turns. One second this 3 foot tall little person can flip you upside down ready to scream for mercy at the top of your lungs. The next she leaves you beside yourself with such warmth and love. The other day I had to take Stella to an appointment (only because she needed to be there) She had been sick the past few days with cold and hadn't had much sleep the night before so I knew I had a work out ahead of me.

OH that was the understatement of the year. Screaming...Wailing... Running...Never Ending Snot Rivers and lot's of Hippie Protester maneuvers.

Hippie Protester Maneuver? These are the "I'm gonna go completely limp when the man (AKA mom & dad) try to hold me down - FIGHT THE POWER!" moves the little one likes to pull. We've all seen them, a parent holding their kid up by an arm, Or my personal favorite the kid hitting the floor and beginning a nice rolling wail.

The nice nurse was trying to ask me about 5 questions and with each one Stella got louder and louder. sob-"bye bye..." WAIL "BYE BYE!!!!!" I was doing my damnest to keep my cool and I was quite proud of my progress in spite of the major meltdown that was by now driving everyone within a 50 mile radius mad. Suddenly the nurse goes. "Mrs. B I'll call you if I need anymore information you can go now". You got to give the little one points for determination.

Also she's really started to explore lately and is getting mighty brave. Just the other day I was preparing lunch in the kitchen thinking that Stella was still coloring in the living room. When all of a sudden she appears in the kitchen waving mommy's toy around as if it were a magic wand just laughing her ass off. (insert joke here) She had snuck into our bedroom gotten into our nightstand. I didn't know whether to cry or laugh. I did however immediately find a new home for the contents in mommy's fun drawer. JOY

And then the same day after I decided it was movie time!! she suddenly begins to sing along with the movie. To the top of her lungs. I had to sit down and catch my breath it was such an awesome moment. I've never heard her sing before and she just did it guns blazing.
It floored me with it's preciousness. And Of course I've played that movie once a day since just to get to hear her sing it again.

Stella's Family Of Me from Frances B on Vimeo.

30 Days

2008-10-17T01:38:00.007-04:00

Angie, over at Gathering recently asked "what's up with the Friday only posts?" Well I can say that I've been busy and it would be the truth. I can also say that I haven't been up to much and that would also be the truth.

Lately I've been doing a lot of internal housekeeping. Asking myself why I've made the choices I have in my life. I've been reading a great book that I plan to discuss in the next In The Stacks post. This book has knocked me on my ass. It's held a mirror up to me..pressed it right in my face and has said nay screamed. TAKE A LOOK AT YOURSELF WOMAN!

I'm determined to be a better person. Determined to live the kind of life I am proud of. Determined to make the right choices for myself. To be true to myself. To eliminate those parts of me that drag me down. The parts of me that ultimately hurts me and those I care about.

They say that it takes 30 days to create a new habit and to solidify a new way of doing things. I'm realistic about this. A lifetime of not taking care of my body is not going to be corrected in 30 days. A lifetime of self doubt will not be resolved in 30 days. But I've learned and finally accepted that it really isn't the destination it's the journey that's the most important.

We all talk about how "oh I'm so bad at this" or "I wish I didn't do this or that". But honestly who else is going to fix the problem if not ourself? These bad qualities... They become a crutch for mediocrity. For never really getting what we want out of our lives. I don't mean to sound like a late night infomercial motivational tape pusher. But it's the truth. If there is something I don't like about myself only I have the power to change it.

The reason I've failed in the past at correcting my undesired behavior can be attributed to the fact that I always wanted to level the building without ever considering that all I really needed to do were some renovations. (Bad metaphor but it works)

My first focus is my procrastination. I'm an awful procrastinator. Perpetually late is an understatement. I was 30 minutes late for my first date with the hubby. Friends say I'll be late to my own funeral. I can find some way to twiddle away hours of time without ever accomplishing a thing. This affects all aspects of my life. So I'm starting small. It may seem silly but for the next thirty days here are 5 things I will devote myself to. This list is compiled to cut away those things that hold me back. And bring into my life attributes I've fallen short of in the past.

1)I WILL NOT visit perezhilton.com. This site sucks up wayyy!! too much of my time, it brings absolutely nothing to my life and frankly I come away feeling like I've cheated myself in some way.

2)Same goes for People.com no visits for 30 days

3)I will each night create a to do list for the next day with 5 tasks to complete that I would normally avoid. I will not rest until each of those tasks have been completed.

4)I will wear some degree of make-up and style my hair for no reason at all. I've never been much of a make up wearer but damn it I could slap on some concealer maybe some gloss for goodness sakes.

5)I will read 20 pages of a book.

Every day for 30 days my friends starting now. Want to play along? I'd love nothing more. So what are your 5 things?

Strange Delights From Under The Lilac Tree

Book 2: The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern

February Artist: Gogol Bordello

35/35 February Update

Ode to Deafness

Book 1: The Paris Wife by: Paula McClain

January Artist: The Temper Trap - Fader

Week 2 Recipe: Banana Bread

January Artist: The Temper Trap - Love Lost

Week 1 Recipe: Broccoli Lasagna

Makes: 8 servings

January Artist: The Temper Trap - Sweet Disposition

My 35th year.

Wiggle-Iggle Friday: Yeah Yeah Yeahs - Maps

Wiggle-Iggle Friday: Birthday Edition

Moment of Bliss

Wiggle-Iggle Friday: Nina Simone - Feeling Good

Fashion Faux Pas

Wiggle-Iggle Friday: Edward Sharpe and The Magnetic Zero's - Home

Pin-spiration

Moving Mountains Pt. 2

Moving Mountains Pt. 1

Wiggle Iggle Friday - PJ Harvey - Place Called Home (revisted)

Wiggle Iggle Friday - Tribe Called Quest - Electric Relaxation

The Morning Benders - Excuses

Move-It Monday - Sharon Jones and The Dap Kings

What's in a Name?

Lady Stella's Splendiferous Picks

Reason 1,524,455 that I *heart* NPR

My Happiness Project.

Dusting it off...

Sometimes Stillness Can Be A Good Thing

Better Late Than Never

Happy Father's Day Ned !

I'm A Believer

Favorite Things- Exercise Edition

Wiggle Iggle Friday - Gangsta Galifianakis

OY #1,789,546

Pre-Emptive Strike

I'm Just Going To Put It Out There

Hello Lover...I've Been Waiting For Oh So Long

For Uncle David, Pug, Jonny, and millions more

Wiggle Iggle Friday

Frugal Franny

Well Said

Lost In Translation...or just Lost

Wiggle Iggle Friday - For Shane

Franny's Most Anticipated Movies

In an attempt to be more honest

I'm borrowing this one

Remembrance

A Life In Color

Wiggle Iggle Friday - Stella B-day Edition

Operation No Mo Black Thumb - Day 20

For Martha & Tim

Reason # 1,500,999 Why We Left That God Awful Town

Auditory Journeys

Wiggle Iggle Friday -The Synthesizer Edition

Album Cover

Operation No Mo Black Thumb - Day 3

Wiggle Iggle Friday - Sentimental Style

What's Next?

Wiggle Iggle Friday

Wiggle Iggle Friday

Show & Tell

In The Stacks - I Put A Spell On You

Laundry List

Wiggle Iggle Friday Bitches..

It's A New Day!

The Beginning Of Greatness.

Wiggle Iggle Friday

Show & Tell

You Won't Believe What Happened To Me At Ladies Night...

My Favorite Things (of late)

Wiggle Iggle Friday

Watch more MySpace videos on AOL Video

Attack of the 3 foot Insomniac

Adventures in Photoshoping-A Day At The Park

Papa Can You Hear Me?

New Year New Delights...

Reason 1,524,455 that I heart NPR