When you assume, you make an ass out of U & YOU

We've all heard the phrase "when you assume you make an ass out of u & me"
my twist on it "when you assume you make an ass out of u & YOU"

Oh my where to begin... I'll try not to abuse the right of the blogger to air my grievances about my life. But it is important to let it out. I'll try to be brief so as to spare you the boo hoos ad nauseum. For the early part of my adult life (like most of us) I didn't really know what I wanted to do with it, which as we all know now looking back at those times perched high above on our hill of experience is that its all a part of being young...you know figuring it out. (little do we realize now but that in another 10 years or so we'll look back and go, why the hell was a sweating such stupid shit?!)

But I digress. I stumbled if you will upon radio. I was and always will be, a music lover (some would say elitist I say I just have good taste!) I always thought you had to have some fancy degree in broadcasting just to step foot in the door, but really all it takes is articulation, creativity, and a willingness to offer yourself mind, body, & SOUL to your radio station. As I progressed in this career for the first time in my life I felt like I could be really good at something. I had great instincts and I moved up real fast. When your young and the world is your oyster and you have no real grown up obligations man its one hell of a ride. But when I found someone that I wanted to grow old with, and when I found myself all mamafied well you tend to be less willing to sacrifice yourself to the radio gods as much (what do you mean you can't work 50 hours a week? What do you mean you want to actually see your kid more than once a week?). So I decided to walk away from it all. Let me tell you I was lost, how many times in your life can you say that you were truly good at your job and that you really enjoyed it?

I also walked away from a respectable amount of money. How was I going to find something that could support us? (I am the main bread winner of the family - those details my friend are for another post) I hated...LOATHED pimping myself out, filling out application after application. It was just such a dreadful time for me. I had never been so afraid in my life, never been so insecure. That was until I knocked on the door of a relatives B&B, I offered my services doing whatever he needed reservations, web design, marketing, housekeeping, anything to get some money coming in. As the weeks went on I really got into this groove, I really enjoyed thinking of new and exciting ways to generate business. I took him from scribbling down reservation dates on scrap pieces of paper, to Reservation Forms, and Guest Databases, Rental Packages & Marketing, Revenue Reports, and Billing. I did such great work that the local Chamber of Commerce asked me to take on their organization by becoming their first Executive Director. (a job I also LOVE!!!)

In the end though a small business is only as good as it's owners. You can't neglect your responsibilities for newer more exciting prospects. You have to nurture the thing that you create, you must constantly help take it to the next level or it all just falls apart. And what's left when you take all of your eggs out of one very healthy basket to feed the weak and fly by night basket. Well you fuck over your employees that's what happens. I my friends have not been paid in almost two weeks I got nothing nada zip (and no relief in site)! Bare in mind that there was no saving for a rainy day with his paycheck. It was pay the bills and hope that this leads to something with better pay in the future. Sooo that means that I'm right back to square one only this time with a bank account that's seriously in the red.

I never thought that I'd be searching for a job twice in one year. I never thought that someone in my family could do this to me. I've been crying alot while filling out applications cranking out the same info over and over again this past week and a half. Worst of all I blame myself. I feel like I put myself and my family in this situation.

And just when I want to lay on the floor and cry about my poor miserable circumstance fate reminds me that these things really are so unbelievably trivial. Like getting a call from your mother letting you know that her best friend, your fathers sister has suddenly died leaving behind her beloved 11 year old daughter and rather large group of family and friends that are now so very lost without her. We can't waist one second worrying about what we don't have or what's going to happen next because as my very wise and brave husband says "for all I know I could have a date with a bus tomorrow"