Happy Re-Birthday

I met Ned about 4 years ago. I remember our first date like it was yesterday. I went into it saying hey maybe I'll have some good conversation and get a a little action and then be on my way. (I was in this "I have no time for relationships" phase in my life)

We sat down at this little pizza joint to chat it up before our movie (which was "Saved" BTW) It was the easiest, smartest, funniest, conversation I ever remember having. It felt like we were two old friends catching up after years of not seeing each other. I walked away the next morning (after getting some mind blowing action) going "holy hell am I in trouble". He wasn't like any man I had ever known much less dated. Everything about him...about the relationship, was completely unexpected. Here I was, this dirty story writing, art & music loving, give me an indie movie and coffeehouse conversation any day of the week, tightly wound feminista. And here he was this tie-dye wearing, Jerry Garcia lovin', no heavy conversation please, give me a hiking trip on the Appalachian Trail and campfire nights, tree hugger. And from day one we fit together perfectly.

He told me even before our first date about his Cancer. He was about a year out from his surgery and radiation therapy. Being the research nerd that I am. I schooled myself on all things. Adult Medulloblastoma. Discovered that it is a brain tumor created from leftover embryonic cells and typically rears its beastly head in children before the age of 5. The instances of it occurring in someone over the ages of 19 are roughly 2%. Ned was 25. The tumor was located in his cerebellum which as you know controls balance and cognitive abilities. On the morning of March 22, 2003 the great life he once knew came to an end during a 5 hour surgery to remove the tumor. The odds were not in his favor most adults who undergo the same operation don't make it off the table. The majority that actually survive the surgery are left paralyzed or with little to no cognitive ability some even suffer blindness. He had to learn all over again how to feed himself, how to walk, Once a Master Carpenter at the top of his game he had to re-learn how to write his name with his left hand since he would never again be able to rely on the use of his right. Never a man to walk the straight and narrow, now physically walking a straight line was impossible.

Ned had to close the door on certain aspects of his life. I think for a long time he felt as though he'd never again live the kind of life he once loved so much. He had to say goodbye to his craft, which brought him so much happiness. He had to say goodbye to trips to his favorite hiking places. To this day I don't know how he survived that. Us mere mortals would have broken to pieces if we were forced to let go of even half of what he did.

I met him about a year after his surgery and treatment. We often joke that had we met one another before his cancer neither one of us would have had anything to do with the other. I've heard many a story from his friends that prove that to be true. Not a day goes by however that I don't believe with my mind, body, & soul that we were meant to be together.

I'd be lying if I told you that there haven't been dark times. There's been recurrence scares, radiation-induced necrosis scares. And when March 22nd would roll around I would find him mourning so deeply all that he had lost. Being the "sunshine up the ass blower" that I am. I would try to remind him of just how far he had come. Just how he had beaten the odds. Enter the Re-Birthday. The Re-Birthday, starting on the day of his life changing event (March 22nd, 2003) his life began anew. And each year on March 22nd we would celebrate how far he had come the previous year, celebrate being one year closer to that coveted 5 year mark. It was an intimate celebration, filled with cheesy "Your 2!" and "3 is neat!" birthday cards. I would like to think that it helped to ease the heaviness of his bad memories. I forced him to focus on the things that he had accomplished. The odds that he had overcome.

This Saturday my beloved man turned 5 years old. I was singing it from the rooftops, telling anyone and everyone who would listen. And oh what a year it had been. A few weeks ago, Ned found a new place in the world. After years of drifting, knowing that he could never be the carpenter he once was, and feeling as though he would never find something he could be that good at again. He stumbled upon something that would make him happier than carpentry ever would. Working on a vineyard. When I picked him up from his first weekend working a grape farm. It was the 2nd happiest I had ever seen him, the first being the birth of our daughter. He spends his days working the farm. Learning about wine-making. And he loves every second of it. Even on the tough days he walks in the door, covered in dirt and grinning ear to ear. He'll never know how happy I am for him. My love has found happiness again.

My daughter and I receive gifts from him that so few in this world are lucky to receive...The daily reminder to appreciate every second, never waste a minute of your life, because it can and often will be taken from you in flash. And more importantly, when the day to day struggles begin to weigh you down. When the mountains seem so hard to climb. This man did it. He swam to shore surrounded by an endless dark sea.

Happy 5th Re-Birthday Baby, here's to the first day of the rest of your life.