What To Say...

WARNING: IF YOU ARE EXPECTING I WOULD REALLY RATHER YOU SKIP THIS POST. COME BACK TO IT POST PREGNANCY PLEASE.


A couple of days ago, I tried to get back in touch with an old friend whom I hadn't talked to in a few months. When last we did talk she was expecting twins. Now M and her husband had been trying for a little while and before she moved away we talked a lot about her desire to become a mom (and a great one she will be at that). I couldn't imagine more together, laid back, more inherently good people like M and her husband T.

But something had been tugging at me to get in touch with her. When I did I was floored. She told me that they had lost one baby in march, and then after a tough fight they lost the second shortly thereafter in April. The babies were due sometime in Late July.

I've never known someone who's gone through this. I've had friends who have made the incredibly tough decision to terminate a pregnancy (it's their right folks and it is NEVER an easy decision and I can tell you it's a painful choice they think about constantly)

But to lose not one but two babies that were so very wanted. I'm having trouble processing this. I'm usually pretty good with words. But this, I have no idea what to say. I've picked up the phone one hundred times to call her but put it down when I can't figure out what I'm going to say when I hear her voice.

Do I act nonchalant? Do I cry? Do I say "I'm so sorry"? What will make me seem like less of a douche? What words will show her how unbelievably sad I am for her and T. How heartbroken I am for them.

But it's not about me it's about her and this incredible loss this incredible burden I don't think I could mentally and physically bare. How can I find the words that make her feel a little less alone? How can I find the words that will make the pain of her loss weigh a little less? M is such a wonderful woman and she was so very happy and excited that these two babies were coming. And to go through not once but twice hearing those dreaded words "I can't find a heartbeat" Oh god I can't stand it and I'm not the one living through the nightmare. To do the things, make the choices they've had to. No one should ever ever have to go through that.

Some people explain unexpected...unfair losses as gods will. Such a cold hearted, cold blooded god has no place in my life. When I've experienced such loss. I've tried to make sure that I as an outsider learn a lesson from the loss. Most likely it's that I can't waste a second in my life. That I have to appreciate every moment I have with those I love But this... what is the lesson in this? What reason could there be for taking away two babies from two people who would have been the best parents in the world. Such lessons they didn't need to learn. And they only solidify in me the notion that there is no god that controls our lives. That pulls the strings of our fates like puppets. If it were such the case as much misery and suffering would only be the act of the devil. So what's the answer? Why did such a horrible horrible thing happen to two such lovely people?


My dear friend M has already cried so very much. I want to do everything in my power to prevent that. But I have to pick up that phone... I have to call. I have to say something to show I care even if it's not necessarily the right thing. I have to show her that I'm here. And that her pain, her loss, is something I'd give anything to take away.