Saturday, May 31, 2008


(This post was delayed by 2 days as work kept me too busy to sit down with my thoughts)

I long ago realized that throughout the history of humankind, there have been individuals of whom I felt quite frankly were not of this world. They were touched by something greater. Possessed with divinity. To me these individuals walked this earth to offer the gift of inspiration. To make us strive to be something amazing. To make us strive to find the greatness in ourselves. To offer hope that we can be something wonderful.

In an effort to survive the ups and downs of life, we often seek out activities that take us away from the madness of it all. For some it's yoga or meditation, others it's a good book, or a workout. It becomes painfully apparent to anyone who knows me longer than oh 5 seconds that music is my life. Music is all at once my memory, my lover, my friend, my past, my future, my escape.

My youth was spent lying in my bed, on my couch or chair, My headphones on, and my favorite albums on constant rotation. I've written journal after journal inspired by one song after another. Thousands of hours were clocked on my tape deck or cd player while I spent the twilight hours of night lost in some manic trance to finish the latest edition of my zine.

Roughly 14 years ago, I was lucky enough to discover an artist, that is without a doubt...other worldly. Someone who thinking about it now, 11 years after his death, was never meant to be of this earth for very long. If you ask me how I discovered most of my favorite artists I can quickly relay some long winded story. Oddly enough I can't remember the first moment my life was graced with Jeff Buckley.

But then sometimes it almost feels as if I don't remember music before him.

I'll freely accept that for some, Jeff Buckley just isn't their cup of tea. But in this one moment, I want to share with you my thoughts on one of the greatest loves of my life.

It's hard to express, what happened to me those nights listening to "Grace" over and over again. Thinking about who I was, who I wanted to be, the life I wanted to lead. And how unlike so many of my favorites of the moment. Jeff Buckley's music has spoken to me on different levels at every stage in my life.

In my teenage years, I heard understanding of unrequited love, I heard escape, I heard that someday the exciting life I wanted would be mine.

In my early twenties...his music spoke to me of my first adult real was also a painful reminder to never be afraid to love. His music embodied my regret, embodied passion, Memories of reading letters and poems left to me on my pillow, Pressing his last flower to me in a book. It makes me ache to know that life has been good to him... the hope that he, like I, found a great love that made me finally understand why fate couldn't allow us to be together.

In my mid twenties his music enveloped me in a new way as I was living the life I had dreamt about those many nights of my youth. Full of colorful and interesting moments. I was living a life of my own choosing and it was good. Days riding the bus to work or to a friends house, the art shows, the drinks, the lovers. The pace of my life literally moved in sync with his music.

and now...after so long. It feels like the music has been embodied in my daughter. When she's asleep under the glow of her soft lamp. Those moments lying in bed with her listing to her breathe when she was a few days old, Those sweet moments filled with her laughter. Watching her sprint across the back yard full speed ahead full of pure joy. It makes the world... heady. I get lost in it much the way I did those nights so long ago.

Now 11 years later, it still pains me that he was never allowed to share with the world more of his gift. With that said, even though his time was brief. The mark he made at least in my life will live on forever, a constant source of inspiration, hope, love, and magic. I'll always find time to sit down and be hypnotized by the strange delights of life thanks to Jeff Buckley.

Want to know what all the fuss is about? Take a listen to a one of my favorites and coincidentally the inspiration behind "strange delights".


LunaNik said...

Wow. That song was haunting. I may have to download some more of that.