Moment of Bliss

The other night I decided to make a quick trip to the store. When I got in the Jeep as usual, I turned on our local NPR station. World Cafe was on and my timing couldn't have been more perfect. They began to speak of my beloved Jeff Buckley and for the first time in many many years I got a chance to listen to "Last Goodbye" on the radio. Its these moments that remind me of the magic of radio. Or at the very least the magic that it used to have; those hours spent just hoping to hear your favorite song. Strange as it may seem, it holds a different power for me hearing the song as part of a radio show rather than it being in rotation on my mp3 player. Driving through my beautiful new town, the stars bright, this song filled me with the very specific and magical memories attached to it. I also felt that familiar ache that so many Jeff Buckley fans feel, that ache for what could have been. But also gratitude, that the world was lucky enough to experience his gifts however brief that moment may have been.



Coming over the hill and into the parking lot, the next song began to play...



I have so many Pearl Jam favorites but this one... it absolutely haunts me. I couldn't move, I sat there in my Jeep, looking at the mountains and that incredible starry sky. I felt, and I say this with big weepy eyes, I felt such joy, such happiness, absolute bliss. It's important to mention that for quite awhile now my happiness has come from my roles as a mother, a wife, a friend. And it doesn't make them less genuine or fantastic. But its been so long since I've felt this stir, these emotions rise up from a place devoid of those roles. I've missed it. And I promise to do everything I can to stoke this fire. And maybe just maybe, figure out how I can bring this bliss to Franny the mother, Franny the wife, and Franny the friend.

In The Stacks - I Put A Spell On You

Nina Simone is one of my favorite musicians. Oddly enough I discovered her while watching a very very bad movie. Her music was the best thing about it. I was entranced and soon found myself watching, not to see how the movie progressed, but to see if there would be more of this haunting voice. After I began to school myself in all things Nina I also discovered that she was greatly admired by my beloved Jeff Buckley. In fact Nina was one of the first performers to cover the song Lilac Wine (and Jeff's reason for covering it). Her auto biography "I Put A Spell On You" was something I've meant to pick up many times over the years, but never did until a few weeks ago. It feels strange to say this, but it was an easy read. I'm not quite sure what I expected to learn about her life. I had heard rumblings that much of the book was embellished by Simone, which really makes no difference to me. Who wouldn't bend some truths a little if they were writing an autobiography? I think what shocked me a little were the many many grammatical errors found throughout. I seriously considered writing the publishing company to ask why the hell they let them slip through.

The story of her youth was the most romantic for me. Her parents and siblings, her first love, growing up in North Carolina, Miss Mazzy her first instructor, these chapters had to be my favorites. She was known as such an absolute diva. To learn that she was so insecure and well... needy in so many aspects of her life and so unbelievably strong in others was strangely comforting. I never got the feeling that she wanted my sympathy for all that she had been through. Just that she had most certainly led an extraordinary life, it was simply time to tell the tale. And what a tale it was! Now, would I recommend this book to someone who had never heard of Nina Simone or whom wasn't a fan? No, I most certainly wouldn't. Nina fans respect her diva behavior. We know what place it comes from and how much a part of her music it is. For those that don't know these truths, this book can paint her in an unsavory light (especially her Barbados years and beyond.) I recommend getting to know her music understanding the power of her talent and then read it.

She was an exceptionally gifted pianist, and unforgettable vocalist. And in the end I found this book reignited my love for her music. I gained a new insight to the emotion behind her songs and
it feels like I'm getting to know her music all over again.

Origins

(This post was delayed by 2 days as work kept me too busy to sit down with my thoughts)

I long ago realized that throughout the history of humankind, there have been individuals of whom I felt quite frankly were not of this world. They were touched by something greater. Possessed with divinity. To me these individuals walked this earth to offer the gift of inspiration. To make us strive to be something amazing. To make us strive to find the greatness in ourselves. To offer hope that we can be something wonderful.

In an effort to survive the ups and downs of life, we often seek out activities that take us away from the madness of it all. For some it's yoga or meditation, others it's a good book, or a workout. It becomes painfully apparent to anyone who knows me longer than oh 5 seconds that music is my life. Music is all at once my memory, my lover, my friend, my past, my future, my escape.

My youth was spent lying in my bed, on my couch or chair, My headphones on, and my favorite albums on constant rotation. I've written journal after journal inspired by one song after another. Thousands of hours were clocked on my tape deck or cd player while I spent the twilight hours of night lost in some manic trance to finish the latest edition of my zine.

Roughly 14 years ago, I was lucky enough to discover an artist, that is without a doubt...other worldly. Someone who thinking about it now, 11 years after his death, was never meant to be of this earth for very long. If you ask me how I discovered most of my favorite artists I can quickly relay some long winded story. Oddly enough I can't remember the first moment my life was graced with Jeff Buckley.

But then sometimes it almost feels as if I don't remember music before him.

I'll freely accept that for some, Jeff Buckley just isn't their cup of tea. But in this one moment, I want to share with you my thoughts on one of the greatest loves of my life.

It's hard to express, what happened to me those nights listening to "Grace" over and over again. Thinking about who I was, who I wanted to be, the life I wanted to lead. And how unlike so many of my favorites of the moment. Jeff Buckley's music has spoken to me on different levels at every stage in my life.

In my teenage years, I heard understanding of unrequited love, I heard escape, I heard that someday the exciting life I wanted would be mine.

In my early twenties...his music spoke to me of my first adult real love...it was also a painful reminder to never be afraid to love. His music embodied my regret, embodied passion, Memories of reading letters and poems left to me on my pillow, Pressing his last flower to me in a book. It makes me ache to know that life has been good to him... the hope that he, like I, found a great love that made me finally understand why fate couldn't allow us to be together.

In my mid twenties his music enveloped me in a new way as I was living the life I had dreamt about those many nights of my youth. Full of colorful and interesting moments. I was living a life of my own choosing and it was good. Days riding the bus to work or to a friends house, the art shows, the drinks, the lovers. The pace of my life literally moved in sync with his music.

and now...after so long. It feels like the music has been embodied in my daughter. When she's asleep under the glow of her soft lamp. Those moments lying in bed with her listing to her breathe when she was a few days old, Those sweet moments filled with her laughter. Watching her sprint across the back yard full speed ahead full of pure joy. It makes the world... heady. I get lost in it much the way I did those nights so long ago.

Now 11 years later, it still pains me that he was never allowed to share with the world more of his gift. With that said, even though his time was brief. The mark he made at least in my life will live on forever, a constant source of inspiration, hope, love, and magic. I'll always find time to sit down and be hypnotized by the strange delights of life thanks to Jeff Buckley.

Want to know what all the fuss is about? Take a listen to a one of my favorites and coincidentally the inspiration behind "strange delights".