You got to know when to fold em'

Quitting a job has never been my forte' I will usually stick it out for months... nay years longer than I need to. I've known many people who have told their employers to shove it and walk right out the door. This kind of change scares the bejezus out of me. I think this ethic (if you will) has only been solidified since I became a mother. It takes a whole helluva lot for me to say "you know what why don't you just shove this job right up your ass because I'm done". Actually I've really only said that once. (I'm a nice two week notice kind of gal)

I may talk a good game but in some aspects of my life I am so non-confrontational. It's so strange, I can tell friends, family members sometimes complete strangers to shove it. But when it's comes to employment. I get walked all over. Outside of work I'm a complete non conformist. But once I punch that clock it's a completely different story. I will put up with so much crap and not say a single word.

And when I'm no longer happy at a job rather than saying you know... "I'm not happy" I will find some way to self-sabotage. My performance will take a nosedive, I'll miss deadlines. Just do all around sub-par work. Which is NOT like me. I usually give like a million percent. It hit me today that I've begun to check out at my current job. For a miriad of reasons. One of them being that I no longer have the time to work on the projects I want too and it's been that way for months. In a pre-Stella time I would have spent endless undocumented hours to accomplish my goals. (And I know that nothing would please my current employer more.) But now in this day and age. That's just not an option. Deep down inside I know this is all my sub-conscious doing the talking for me.

The reality is however that letting someone else be the bad guy because I've become a bad employee is just a disgraceful cop out. And frankly I really need to grow a pair in the taking what I want out of life and my career department. If I'm not happy at a job I need to speak up or get the fuck out. If I'm allowing someone to take advantage of me I need to nip it in the bud and stop being all "golly gee I really am tired from working double shifts three days in a row, but I know you need me- please don't fire me"

I recognize that in any job you will have moments where you do something you're not all that interested in undertaking that's why it's called WORK. But at the same time I'm a firm believer that you should derive some kind of enjoyment. So what's the solution? Work for myself? Create a job where I do the things I want to do? Am I anywhere near that disciplined?

Maybe if I google "how to grow a pair" I'll have some luck.