Auditory Journeys

This past Friday, I went for my first audiogram in a few years. Oddly enough I was incredibly nervous. It's not a painful test. Not if you don't count the incredibly intense bout of tinnitus the test sets off. Still I was incredibly anxious. I realized though that this is the test that will point out just how bad my hearing is. It will lay it out in a neat little graph. There is that part of me that wants it to look like it did years ago, in the mild-moderate range. But I know better, I know that sideways S has dropped lower down the graph. And it has.

As you can tell I've begun the descent into the moderately severe zone. If you're lucky (and I hope very much that you are) you've never laid eyes on one of these graphs. Most are filled with little less than or more than symbols, x's and o's. The way the test works is they relay words or beeps at certain Hertz levels, if you can't hear them or understand them they raise the decibel level until you can. Human Hertz levels range from 200-3000. 200 being the lowest bassiest human sound. 3000 being the highest Mariah Carey kind of highs. But everyday human conversation usually falls into the 300-1000 range. Now if your hearing is "normal" you begin to hear what could be described an understandable whisper at the 0 -20 level. Yours truly as you can see doesn't BEGIN to hear those whispers them until they get to 50-60 decibels which is the volume at which most people carry on conversations. So your normal conversation is about as understandable as if you were whispering to me.

I walked away still feeling the enormity of my challenges, but I was also a little relieved because I had a better understanding of my disability and what to expect.

And you know it's easy for me to talk about the obstacles I face, but It's also hit home to me that my loved ones must have difficulties as well, when it comes to being a part of my life. I can't imagine how difficult it can be at times for my family and friends. Having to repeat themselves over and over again. And they've never really complained about it. They are learning that they can't turn their backs towards me or try to tell me something from another room. Ned when we first started dated would get hoarse from speaking at a higher volume and repeating himself so much.

That's why for the first time in my life finding the right hearing aid is so important to me, I have to show them that I'm doing all I can to take charge of my situation. And I have to thank them more often when they do the little things they know will make it easier on me to understand them. Like tapping me on the shoulder when they want to get my attention. Repeating themselves when they realize I really didn't understand what they said. Even interpreting for me when in social situations. I know that the extra effort it takes for them to be in my life can't be the easiest of tasks at times. But I'm truly blessed that they take it all in stride.