It's been almost a month since my last blog post. Today I got an e-mail from Steph over at Praise the Mother asking me where the hell I have been. It's easy to get wrapped up in life sometimes and forget that your blog is sometimes the only connection you have to some of the great people in your life.
Life has been incredible, bittersweet, standing-on-the-edge-of-a-cliff-about-to-jump kind of exciting. It's also been scary, its always darkest before the dawn-ish. It's hard to know where to begin. The hearing aids are fantastic, EXHAUSTING, but fantastic. (which is one of many reason's I've been MIA) The last week has really been the only time that I haven't come home from a busy day and passed out from mental exhaustion. It's been a big test, a huge learning experience, and it has opened up a world of opportunity I have never known my adult life. My confidence has grown exponentially, as far as meeting new people, working, and just going through day to day situations. I firmly believe that the arrival of my hearing aids was the beginning to one of the best chapters of my life.
School starts soon, and I have a great new job, making the best money I've ever made, which isn't saying much but still. Ned is getting better and better, we still have those not so good days but the progress is there.
The incredibly trippy thing is, that while things are falling into place, our present situation is a tough one. We've had to juggle bills, rob peter to pay paul (as my mom puts it), depleat our savings to a very sad amount. And it SUCKS! But the promised land is just around the corner, and the days go by so very slow. But we will get there. That is what is so refreshing, I have no superstition or anxious uncertainty. I know I am walking this path, these are the good things I am welcoming into my life and I am not afraid. I never thought I would say that, but it's true.
Another reason for my absence is the birth of a new blog. I've been exercising and eating well and thusfar lost 25lbs. It's basically my daily journal, nothing to fancy or exciting but taking my bloggy time none the less. But I promise to take the time and sit under the lilac tree with more frequency in the future. Thanks for hanging in there with me.
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Sometimes Stillness Can Be A Good Thing
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
It's A New Day!
1:41pm I've finally calmed down a little, My morning has been full of tears and emotion. I'm just overcome with so many feelings. And his speech oh his speech was just incredible. Here are some of my favorite points.
Forty-four Americans have now taken the presidential oath. The words have been spoken during rising tides of prosperity and the still waters of peace. Yet, every so often the oath is taken amidst gathering clouds and raging storms. At these moments, America has carried on not simply because of the skill or vision of those in high office, but because we the people have remained faithful to the ideals of our forebears, and true to our founding documents.
So it has been. So it must be with this generation of Americans.
On this day, we gather because we have chosen hope over fear, unity of purpose over conflict and discord.
We remain a young nation, but in the words of scripture, the time has come to set aside childish things. The time has come to reaffirm our enduring spirit; to choose our better history; to carry forward that precious gift, that noble idea, passed on from generation to generation: the God-given promise that all are equal, all are free and all deserve a chance to pursue their full measure of happiness.
Now, there are some who question the scale of our ambitions — who suggest that our system cannot tolerate too many big plans. Their memories are short. For they have forgotten what this country has already done; what free men and women can achieve when imagination is joined to common purpose, and necessity to courage.
As for our common defense, we reject as false the choice between our safety and our ideals. Our founding fathers, faced with perils we can scarcely imagine, drafted a charter to assure the rule of law and the rights of man, a charter expanded by the blood of generations. Those ideals still light the world, and we will not give them up for expedience's sake. And so to all other peoples and governments who are watching today, from the grandest capitals to the small village where my father was born: know that America is a friend of each nation and every man, woman, and child who seeks a future of peace and dignity, and that we are ready to lead once more.
Recall that earlier generations faced down fascism and communism not just with missiles and tanks, but with sturdy alliances and enduring convictions. They understood that our power alone cannot protect us, nor does it entitle us to do as we please. Instead, they knew that our power grows through its prudent use; our security emanates from the justness of our cause, the force of our example, the tempering qualities of humility and restraint.
For we know that our patchwork heritage is a strength, not a weakness. We are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus — and non-believers. We are shaped by every language and culture, drawn from every end of this Earth; and because we have tasted the bitter swill of civil war and segregation, and emerged from that dark chapter stronger and more united, we cannot help but believe that the old hatreds shall someday pass; that the lines of tribe shall soon dissolve; that as the world grows smaller, our common humanity shall reveal itself; and that America must play its role in ushering in a new era of peace.
To those leaders around the globe who seek to sow conflict, or blame their society's ills on the West — know that your people will judge you on what you can build, not what you destroy.
For as much as government can do and must do, it is ultimately the faith and determination of the American people upon which this nation relies. It is the kindness to take in a stranger when the levees break, the selflessness of workers who would rather cut their hours than see a friend lose their job which sees us through our darkest hours.
So let us mark this day with remembrance, of who we are and how far we have traveled. In the year of America's birth, in the coldest of months, a small band of patriots huddled by dying campfires on the shores of an icy river. The capital was abandoned. The enemy was advancing. The snow was stained with blood. At a moment when the outcome of our revolution was most in doubt, the father of our nation ordered these words be read to the people:
"Let it be told to the future world ... that in the depth of winter, when nothing but hope and virtue could survive...that the city and the country, alarmed at one common danger, came forth to meet (it)."
America, in the face of our common dangers, in this winter of our hardship, let us remember these timeless words. With hope and virtue, let us brave once more the icy currents, and endure what storms may come. Let it be said by our children's children that when we were tested we refused to let this journey end, that we did not turn back nor did we falter; and with eyes fixed on the horizon and God's grace upon us, we carried forth that great gift of freedom and delivered it safely to future generations.
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Here is the first of many things I will post today! Happy Inauguration Day!!
(big thanks to Angie for sharing this one first on Pebbles)
Monday, January 19, 2009
The Beginning Of Greatness.
The next few days are going to be tremendously emotional for me and the rest of my country. For the rest of my life I know I will view these past 8 years as the darkest my generation has ever seen perhaps some of the darkest in the history of my country. But these past 8 years are also a shining example of how we can never become complacent. The minute we become lazy, the moment we forget that this is OUR country, the moment we forget that ours is a government for the people, by the people. We allow evil, bigotry, and greed to speak for us.
I feel deep in my heart and soul that this is the eve of what will be the golden era that of which our nation has never seen. Not since its creation have you seen such involvement so many of our citizens saying and believing that they count, that they are responsible for our success or our failure. Not capitol hill, not the white house, OUR voices are the ones that matter. And no greater example can be seen than in the election of Barack Obama. This nation after so many dark days is full of hope, ready to do the work that needs to be done to create the future we deserve. It makes me feel so lucky to be alive to see so many dreams become reality.
I'm so relieved that such a dark chapter is being closed. Apprehensive about the ultimate revelation of the deeply guarded secrets of the bush administration in the years to come. But all of that is just overcome with this feeling of hope and pride that's been lost to me for so long. Hope that we really can create a better day for ourselves and our children. Hope that we can begin to heal and learn. A pride in my country, a deep pride for the MILLIONS of my fellow citizens that are now and for the rest of their lives INVOLVED in their government. Millions that have begun to look at this whole country, as their community. They now understand that it's so much more than what goes on in our neighborhoods we have to care about every single American neighborhood, every American citizen.
I've also thought a lot about what it was that Dr King witnessed when he saw the promised land. Could he have ever imagined a moment like Tuesday, January 20 2009? Could any of those millions of people that stood beside him have imagined a moment such as this? I feel so lucky to be to be a part of this place in history.
So many generations ago, American citizens felt such a deep connection with their president. Pictures were not just found in federal buildings but in schools and homes. Frankly for a time I thought such displays of presidential pride were foolish. I realize now that I was the foolish one, it was only because I never knew what that connection felt like, until now. I feel so lucky to have the kind of pride that I thought was lost generations ago.
The memory of the Joy I will feel on Tuesday, as I watch MY president's inauguration with my daughter, will stay with me for years to come. I am hopeful now that maybe I really can leave this world a better place for her. I feel blessed that she will now grow up in time when she will truly know that anything is possible. That no matter how tough things may seem today, no matter how impossible the odds. The battle can be so long but as long as we keep fighting we can and will overcome.
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Well Said...
"Once in a lifetime, the poet said, once in a lifetime, hope and history meet in one extraordinary man. I thank the good Lord that I have lived long enough to meet and help such a man twice in my lifetime: John Kennedy and Barack Obama," - Theodore Sorensen former John F. Kennedy adviser
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
Pioneering Witness
I'm so excited to be here in this moment. I want to sit beside Rosa Parks on that bus and tell her. "One day in the not too distant future a black man will win the democratic presidential nomination". I want to tell those brave women who gave their lives for the chance to vote. "One day a very strong, smart and equally as brave woman will fight quite strongly and be taken quite seriously as the potential president of the United States."
After so many, so very many years of darkness. I'm beginning to feel as though my country is waking up from a deep deep sleep. Millions of people have sacrificed so much to bring us here and just when I thought no one was paying attention. I look around to discover that people are inspired like never before. I'm so very proud that my daughter will learn about how a country that once enslaved and brutalized africans could change in such a way as to deem an african the best possible candidate to run it. Proud that my daughter will truly know that if she wants to be President. SHE CAN.
So many dark days have at long last led us to some very shining moments. I'm lucky to be a witness to the change to come.
Sunday, May 11, 2008
This Is One For Those Hard Workin' Mama's (No Daddy's Allowed)
I hope your mother's day was as delicious as these boys are. Oi are those some sweet pieces of ass!
Monday, April 14, 2008
Shotgun...
As said by my boss...
"you shotgun things...you blow that shotgun and you chip away at 20 things. Instead you need to figure out how to be a bullet. Just blast away one thing at a time it will get you where you need to be faster than you think."
I hate it when someone other than my hubby reads me like that. Here I thought I was sooo smooth had it all under control..(sheyeah rrright) And this guy, comes and nails it. Just nails it to the wall. I am a shotgun. That's why I get so overwhelmed because I try to take out so many things with one blast. The results are that I just ding em' and that just pisses them off. It pisses me off. Because soon enough I just get so locked down with stress I can't think straight.
Which is what's been happening the past few weeks, hell months. The more I thought about it. The more I realized that part of the reason I've been "shotgunning" is simply because I'm not interested in my targets.
Stay with me on this one...When your in radio you really have to create this personality. While you certainly can lend some element of your private self to this personality. This new personality has to be a real people pleaser. It has to be this umbrella of coverage. You must please your listeners, You must please your employer, You must be whatever said listener and employer need you to be. This of course can lead to losing sight of your whole self. And after 7 years of doing that I realized that I didn't know who I was anymore. Turning that people pleasing switch off would prove tougher than expected.
An executive director job found me last October. And for awhile it was great fun but anyone who has ever worked for a non-profit knows. The pay sucks and demands are high. You've got a group of volunteers that basically expect you to donate any and all necessary time needed for projects beyond the $200 a week they pay you. Change the word volunteer to Broadcasters and bump the $200 a week a bit. Hello Radio! It hit me, I traded one "we'll never pay you for everything your required to do" job for another. And I just can't do that to myself or my family again. That's just not who I am. And that my friends is why things fall apart far to frequently in my life. I'm not being the person that I want to be. I'm being the person my job or people in my community dictate me to be. Funny there was a time when just the IDEA of conforming on that kind of level would cause me to break out into hives. I was going to live my life on my terms. I was going to get tattoos, and bring my kids to rallies, I was going to surround my life with music & art I loved. I was going to have great dinner parties with equally as great discussions. For a little while I had that life. And somewhere, I deviated. Somewhere I lost sight of those ways that made me very happy.
I am not someone who finds joy in Meetings, in planning Christmas Festivals or HOME TOURS (for crying out loud!) I'm not someone who takes minutes. That kind of stuff makes someone happy but it isn't me. The scary thing is...for a moment I thought it was making me happy. What does make me happy is this little coffee shop. My little live music show, my photography, my graphic design. My family. So yours truly is undergoing a revamping. You'll see some changes in the coming weeks here under the lilac tree and beyond. There are projects in the works. Projects I'm incredibly excited about, as they are things that over the years of people pleasing that were shoved deep down. Well it's rising to the surface and I couldn't be more excited.
I've learned it from watching my hubby the last few weeks on his vineyard. When you do what you love, what you want to in life, that's real happiness that's fulfillment. And most of all that's the kind of example above all that I want to set for Stella. She should never be anyone but the person she wants to be. Do the things that make you truly happy in life and life will be very good to you.
