For Uncle David, Pug, Jonny, and millions more

The first memory I have of a Veteran is that of my Uncle David. I didn't understand what the word meant but I knew he was one. David had a smile that matched the size of his enormous heart. And his hugs...he would crush you if you let him, they were so very tight. He had a very beautiful family, 3 beautiful children. Anyone who was in David's presence felt immediately that the world was a better place for having known him. David was a Veteran of the Vietnam War. While he was one of the lucky ones to come home. History shows us that he did not come home to the welcome he deserved. I remember in my political youth, I once said that while I certainly apposed the Vietnam War. I would never feel nothing but tremendous pride in my brave Uncle David. As a kid I used to wish that I could travel back in time so that perhaps I could have given him the welcome home he so deserved. In High School when I visited the Vietnam Memorial I was overcome. Inconsolable I could only sob "there are so many names". The memory tears me up to this day. I also remember seeing fellow classmates etching names of relatives and I was so grateful that my Uncle David came home. Unfortunately David still left this world far too soon, but there is not a Memorial or Veterans day that goes by that I don't think of him. David instilled in me the awareness that while you can disagree with WAR you must always be grateful to the people who love their country so much, that they are willing to sacrifice themselves.

Pug, our former landlord (funny how that just sounds like such an inappropriate way to describe him to me) and dear friend. Has eyes that light up when you see him. He is always so kind and always has all the time in the world for you. He has this hearty laugh and is just a very very wonderful soul. I'm honored to know this Korean War Vet. My life has been so enriched by our many discussions about life and war. I think of him today.

And my sweet cousin Jonny, I can fill volumes with my pride for him. By far the most loving and tenderhearted boy I have ever met. He deserves nothing but the best in this life. He is so talented, and brave, and smart, patient and kind. And he is the first person I've known that has really brought about a new level of understanding when it comes to war. Jonny is an Iraq War Veteran. And I look at Jonny as a mother looks to a child. I see the invisible scars, the private war that wages in him. I learned from him that the sacrifice of our armed forces does not end on the battlefield. It continues on long after the tour is over. And they all continue to face it with a bravery that floors me with it's magnitude.

I think of them and all the other sons and daughters, that have and continue to make a sacrifice I will never be capable of.

Including:
Ernest James Brownley Sr.
Ernest James Brownley Jr.
Phillip Brownley
Evan Campbell
Roscoe Liverman
George Liverman
Edward Plympton Brown I.
Thomas O'Hara


Regardless of whether you feel a war is just or not, The love and devotion they show to this country through their sacrifice is a gift that none of us should ever take for granted. On the battlefield and off.

I offer my simple and humble... Thank You.

It's A New Day!

1:41pm I've finally calmed down a little, My morning has been full of tears and emotion. I'm just overcome with so many feelings. And his speech oh his speech was just incredible. Here are some of my favorite points.


Forty-four Americans have now taken the presidential oath. The words have been spoken during rising tides of prosperity and the still waters of peace. Yet, every so often the oath is taken amidst gathering clouds and raging storms. At these moments, America has carried on not simply because of the skill or vision of those in high office, but because we the people have remained faithful to the ideals of our forebears, and true to our founding documents.

So it has been. So it must be with this generation of Americans.

On this day, we gather because we have chosen hope over fear, unity of purpose over conflict and discord.

We remain a young nation, but in the words of scripture, the time has come to set aside childish things. The time has come to reaffirm our enduring spirit; to choose our better history; to carry forward that precious gift, that noble idea, passed on from generation to generation: the God-given promise that all are equal, all are free and all deserve a chance to pursue their full measure of happiness.

Now, there are some who question the scale of our ambitions — who suggest that our system cannot tolerate too many big plans. Their memories are short. For they have forgotten what this country has already done; what free men and women can achieve when imagination is joined to common purpose, and necessity to courage.

As for our common defense, we reject as false the choice between our safety and our ideals. Our founding fathers, faced with perils we can scarcely imagine, drafted a charter to assure the rule of law and the rights of man, a charter expanded by the blood of generations. Those ideals still light the world, and we will not give them up for expedience's sake. And so to all other peoples and governments who are watching today, from the grandest capitals to the small village where my father was born: know that America is a friend of each nation and every man, woman, and child who seeks a future of peace and dignity, and that we are ready to lead once more.

Recall that earlier generations faced down fascism and communism not just with missiles and tanks, but with sturdy alliances and enduring convictions. They understood that our power alone cannot protect us, nor does it entitle us to do as we please. Instead, they knew that our power grows through its prudent use; our security emanates from the justness of our cause, the force of our example, the tempering qualities of humility and restraint.

For we know that our patchwork heritage is a strength, not a weakness. We are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus — and non-believers. We are shaped by every language and culture, drawn from every end of this Earth; and because we have tasted the bitter swill of civil war and segregation, and emerged from that dark chapter stronger and more united, we cannot help but believe that the old hatreds shall someday pass; that the lines of tribe shall soon dissolve; that as the world grows smaller, our common humanity shall reveal itself; and that America must play its role in ushering in a new era of peace.

To those leaders around the globe who seek to sow conflict, or blame their society's ills on the West — know that your people will judge you on what you can build, not what you destroy.

For as much as government can do and must do, it is ultimately the faith and determination of the American people upon which this nation relies. It is the kindness to take in a stranger when the levees break, the selflessness of workers who would rather cut their hours than see a friend lose their job which sees us through our darkest hours.

So let us mark this day with remembrance, of who we are and how far we have traveled. In the year of America's birth, in the coldest of months, a small band of patriots huddled by dying campfires on the shores of an icy river. The capital was abandoned. The enemy was advancing. The snow was stained with blood. At a moment when the outcome of our revolution was most in doubt, the father of our nation ordered these words be read to the people:

"Let it be told to the future world ... that in the depth of winter, when nothing but hope and virtue could survive...that the city and the country, alarmed at one common danger, came forth to meet (it)."

America, in the face of our common dangers, in this winter of our hardship, let us remember these timeless words. With hope and virtue, let us brave once more the icy currents, and endure what storms may come. Let it be said by our children's children that when we were tested we refused to let this journey end, that we did not turn back nor did we falter; and with eyes fixed on the horizon and God's grace upon us, we carried forth that great gift of freedom and delivered it safely to future generations.

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Here is the first of many things I will post today! Happy Inauguration Day!!
(big thanks to Angie for sharing this one first on Pebbles)

The Beginning Of Greatness.

The next few days are going to be tremendously emotional for me and the rest of my country. For the rest of my life I know I will view these past 8 years as the darkest my generation has ever seen perhaps some of the darkest in the history of my country. But these past 8 years are also a shining example of how we can never become complacent. The minute we become lazy, the moment we forget that this is OUR country, the moment we forget that ours is a government for the people, by the people. We allow evil, bigotry, and greed to speak for us.
I feel deep in my heart and soul that this is the eve of what will be the golden era that of which our nation has never seen. Not since its creation have you seen such involvement so many of our citizens saying and believing that they count, that they are responsible for our success or our failure. Not capitol hill, not the white house, OUR voices are the ones that matter. And no greater example can be seen than in the election of Barack Obama. This nation after so many dark days is full of hope, ready to do the work that needs to be done to create the future we deserve. It makes me feel so lucky to be alive to see so many dreams become reality.

I'm so relieved that such a dark chapter is being closed. Apprehensive about the ultimate revelation of the deeply guarded secrets of the bush administration in the years to come. But all of that is just overcome with this feeling of hope and pride that's been lost to me for so long. Hope that we really can create a better day for ourselves and our children. Hope that we can begin to heal and learn. A pride in my country, a deep pride for the MILLIONS of my fellow citizens that are now and for the rest of their lives INVOLVED in their government. Millions that have begun to look at this whole country, as their community. They now understand that it's so much more than what goes on in our neighborhoods we have to care about every single American neighborhood, every American citizen.


I've also thought a lot about what it was that Dr King witnessed when he saw the promised land. Could he have ever imagined a moment like Tuesday, January 20 2009? Could any of those millions of people that stood beside him have imagined a moment such as this? I feel so lucky to be to be a part of this place in history.

So many generations ago, American citizens felt such a deep connection with their president. Pictures were not just found in federal buildings but in schools and homes. Frankly for a time I thought such displays of presidential pride were foolish. I realize now that I was the foolish one, it was only because I never knew what that connection felt like, until now. I feel so lucky to have the kind of pride that I thought was lost generations ago.

The memory of the Joy I will feel on Tuesday, as I watch MY president's inauguration with my daughter, will stay with me for years to come. I am hopeful now that maybe I really can leave this world a better place for her. I feel blessed that she will now grow up in time when she will truly know that anything is possible. That no matter how tough things may seem today, no matter how impossible the odds. The battle can be so long but as long as we keep fighting we can and will overcome.

You Won't Believe What Happened To Me At Ladies Night...

The other night I was ordered out of the house by the hubby and my new dear friend Dez. See they think I work too much, I do too much for everyone else BUT myself. Pshaw whatever gave them that idea I don't know.

I found myself enjoying a little ladies night and having a great time. What made it so great was that at different points in the night I found myself having some incredible conversations with some amazing women. Made all the more interesting because I found myself having one on one conversations that strangely enough ended up with familiar themes. The first part of the evening was spent talking about just how nurturing women can be especially in times of struggle. How complete strangers can swoop in to save the day even in our darkest hour as it did for one woman I spoke with who is going through breast cancer treatment. Later on I had a conversation with a friend about self worth and how sometimes it can be so difficult to feel your a worthy recipient of a good deed.

Things came full circle when I talked with Jamie about how I had to say goodbye to a friendship recently. That life no matter how hard I've fought it has just pulled me in a very opposite direction. That no matter how much either of us wanted things to be different it just became too painful as we were constantly hurting one another. She told me about how there are people who are in our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. As intense as connections may be they always have a purpose and sometimes that purpose runs it's course. It was an expression I had never heard articulated so well, and I thought it was just lovely. Just like Jamie.


The next day I opened my e-mail to find a friendly forward from my friend Melissa's mom and it read.

People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.

When you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do.

When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend, and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrong -doing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up or out and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and it is now time to move on.

When people come into your life for a SEASON, it is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They may bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; those things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person/people (anyway); and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant. Thank you for being a part of my life

It's amazing how magical life can be sometimes isnt' it?

The Most Fantastic Words EVER

"After carefully reviewing all the information on your claim, we have made a disability decision. We find that your disability did not end. Therefore, your benefits will continue."

After a year long battle on all fronts, emotionally, physically, financially we finally won one! Today for the first time in a LONG time we feel like we can breathe again.

Happy Re-Birthday

I met Ned about 4 years ago. I remember our first date like it was yesterday. I went into it saying hey maybe I'll have some good conversation and get a a little action and then be on my way. (I was in this "I have no time for relationships" phase in my life)

We sat down at this little pizza joint to chat it up before our movie (which was "Saved" BTW) It was the easiest, smartest, funniest, conversation I ever remember having. It felt like we were two old friends catching up after years of not seeing each other. I walked away the next morning (after getting some mind blowing action) going "holy hell am I in trouble". He wasn't like any man I had ever known much less dated. Everything about him...about the relationship, was completely unexpected. Here I was, this dirty story writing, art & music loving, give me an indie movie and coffeehouse conversation any day of the week, tightly wound feminista. And here he was this tie-dye wearing, Jerry Garcia lovin', no heavy conversation please, give me a hiking trip on the Appalachian Trail and campfire nights, tree hugger. And from day one we fit together perfectly.

He told me even before our first date about his Cancer. He was about a year out from his surgery and radiation therapy. Being the research nerd that I am. I schooled myself on all things. Adult Medulloblastoma. Discovered that it is a brain tumor created from leftover embryonic cells and typically rears its beastly head in children before the age of 5. The instances of it occurring in someone over the ages of 19 are roughly 2%. Ned was 25. The tumor was located in his cerebellum which as you know controls balance and cognitive abilities. On the morning of March 22, 2003 the great life he once knew came to an end during a 5 hour surgery to remove the tumor. The odds were not in his favor most adults who undergo the same operation don't make it off the table. The majority that actually survive the surgery are left paralyzed or with little to no cognitive ability some even suffer blindness. He had to learn all over again how to feed himself, how to walk, Once a Master Carpenter at the top of his game he had to re-learn how to write his name with his left hand since he would never again be able to rely on the use of his right. Never a man to walk the straight and narrow, now physically walking a straight line was impossible.

Ned had to close the door on certain aspects of his life. I think for a long time he felt as though he'd never again live the kind of life he once loved so much. He had to say goodbye to his craft, which brought him so much happiness. He had to say goodbye to trips to his favorite hiking places. To this day I don't know how he survived that. Us mere mortals would have broken to pieces if we were forced to let go of even half of what he did.

I met him about a year after his surgery and treatment. We often joke that had we met one another before his cancer neither one of us would have had anything to do with the other. I've heard many a story from his friends that prove that to be true. Not a day goes by however that I don't believe with my mind, body, & soul that we were meant to be together.

I'd be lying if I told you that there haven't been dark times. There's been recurrence scares, radiation-induced necrosis scares. And when March 22nd would roll around I would find him mourning so deeply all that he had lost. Being the "sunshine up the ass blower" that I am. I would try to remind him of just how far he had come. Just how he had beaten the odds. Enter the Re-Birthday. The Re-Birthday, starting on the day of his life changing event (March 22nd, 2003) his life began anew. And each year on March 22nd we would celebrate how far he had come the previous year, celebrate being one year closer to that coveted 5 year mark. It was an intimate celebration, filled with cheesy "Your 2!" and "3 is neat!" birthday cards. I would like to think that it helped to ease the heaviness of his bad memories. I forced him to focus on the things that he had accomplished. The odds that he had overcome.

This Saturday my beloved man turned 5 years old. I was singing it from the rooftops, telling anyone and everyone who would listen. And oh what a year it had been. A few weeks ago, Ned found a new place in the world. After years of drifting, knowing that he could never be the carpenter he once was, and feeling as though he would never find something he could be that good at again. He stumbled upon something that would make him happier than carpentry ever would. Working on a vineyard. When I picked him up from his first weekend working a grape farm. It was the 2nd happiest I had ever seen him, the first being the birth of our daughter. He spends his days working the farm. Learning about wine-making. And he loves every second of it. Even on the tough days he walks in the door, covered in dirt and grinning ear to ear. He'll never know how happy I am for him. My love has found happiness again.

My daughter and I receive gifts from him that so few in this world are lucky to receive...The daily reminder to appreciate every second, never waste a minute of your life, because it can and often will be taken from you in flash. And more importantly, when the day to day struggles begin to weigh you down. When the mountains seem so hard to climb. This man did it. He swam to shore surrounded by an endless dark sea.

Happy 5th Re-Birthday Baby, here's to the first day of the rest of your life.